Broken Wings
by XxMemento MorixX
Summary: Bella doesn't forgive Edward and she wants nothing to do with him.But when Alice has a vision of Bella committing suicide,Edward fights to gain her trust back but it may already be too late for him, as Bella's world has already come crashing down.BellaOOC
1. Chapter 1: Changed

**This one takes place in New Moon, when Bella and Edward comes back from Italy.**

**But ofcourse with a twist.**

**Bella does not forgive Edward and wants nothing to do with him.**

**But when Alice has a vision, Edward knows that he has to remain for Bella.**

**As time passes Edward begins to see a huge change in Bella.**

**and he must now fight to gain back Bella's trust.**

**It starts after Bella and Edward's talk.**

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**My Second Fanfiction. I will be writing this and **

**Learning to Forgive at the same time.**

**At the end of the chapter I will post the song that helped me write the chapter.**

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**"For Sale: One heart, Horrible condition. **

**Will take anything for it. Please. **

**Just cut it out of my chest and end this suffering" **

**- Author Unknown**

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**Bella's P.O.V**

I lay on my bed, listening as my ipod bellowed out my favourite song.

A bottle of vodka in my hand. Two more empty bottles of peach schnapps on the floor.

My eyes were slightly glazed from the amount I was drinking.

I was trying my best, not to break down from the pain, frustration and endless heartache.

I needed to get a grip on myself. Who cares if Edward is back? That doesn't mean anything.

It definitely doesn't mean that he would want me. Especially now.

The sound of my phone brought me out of day-dreaming.

Checking the caller I.D, part of me was relieved to see it wasn't Edward.

Part of me wasn't.

"Hello?" my voice sounded dead.

"Bella." Aaron. What the hell would he want now? "What are you doing tonight?"

Since, Edward had left, I've been...keeping pretty bad company.

Aaron, wasn't the worse of it though. He drank and partied hard...kinda like me now.

"I'm not doing anything special...Why?" Though I already knew where this was heading.

"Tyler's throwing a party later tonight...wanna come? Got you a free ticket and everything."

Tempting.

I needed a way to get my mind off of Edward.

Even though things had been different the last couple of days, I needed to return to the life I had over the last couple of months. And a party was the best way.

With all that alcohol.

That got me.

"Alright, but can you come for me though?" I didn't feel like driving.

After a few more arrangements, I hung up the phone. I would admit, it was stupid. Arranging a ride with Aaron and his girlfriend.

The ride to, wasn't the problem, coming back was...

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**Edward's P.O.V**

I stood by the window in my room, staring out, as I had been for the last couple of hours.

I had to see her. I had to. I hadn't seen her since I had gone to her after Italy, and begged her to take me back.

_''I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. _

_I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. _

_When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." I had said. _

_Desperately trying to convey through mere words, just how much I needed her in my life. _

_I held her hand in my mine, sitting across from her on the bed._

_She had shaken her head then. Never breaking eye contact with me._

_She didn't say it outloud but I could read it in her eyes...she didn't believe me._

_"Edward I can't. I just can't." she pulled away from me then and backed away till her back was pressed against the headboard._

_When I had left, after trying everything I could think of then to get her back, it felt like my heart was ripped to pieces._

Jumping out her window and running home, a thought occurred to me.

Bella hadn't cried once since I saw her again. Usually, it didn't take much for her tears to overflow, but not once did she shed a single tear.

I hadn't known it then, but that was the beginning of the changes I began to see in her.

That was last night.

I had spent the entire day in my room, away from my family.

I knew it was wrong but I had asked Alice to keep an eye on Bella but she was having problems. For some strange reason, she wasn't seeing Bella's future well.

It blurred when she looked. Carlisle wondered if it was because she hadn't look for Bella's future in months, if that was keeping her from seeing it.

I tuned into Alice again, like I had been for the last several hours, as she looked for Bella's future.

Nothing had changed. It still blurred but then, something happened.

I ran downstairs just as she began to have a new vision.

Alice's face went completely blank and I saw what she did.

_Bella was crying, I had never seen her look so broken. Not even when I told her we were leaving._

_I watched in despair as she picked up a razor blade and made even cuts across her wrists. _

_As the blood began to flow through her open wounds, she continued to cry, till every last drop had run across the bathroom floor. _

_And she collapsed. Broken. Defeated. Dead._

Alice pulled out of the vision and began to cry. Dry sobs racked her body. Jasper came in running from the livingroom and held Alice as she continued to cry.

The rest of my family walked in, demanding to know what happened. I couldn't respond to them.

All I could see, was the picture replaying in my head.

Bella mutilating herself. Committing suicide.

I had to stop her.

I darted over to Alice and tried to bring her out of her hysterics.

"Alice, do you know when this vision happens?" I asked. I saw the answer form in her head before she could say it.

She didn't.

There was no time or date of when this vision was suppose to come true.

Which meant, it could happen at any moment.

Even at this very one.

Jasper, looked between me and his wife. Confused. He could feel the agony ripping through both Alice and I. The question began forming in his head.

I didn't have time to explain.

I darted out the door and ran at full speed back to the Swan's House.

When I arrived on the front step, I knew the house was empty. No sound could be heard.

Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the drive way. But Bella's truck was. I checked my watch.

It was 1:00a.m

But I could hear no sound from within. No snores from Charlie or Bella's breathing as she slept.

The house was dead. I scaled the side of the house and kneeled on the ledge outside Bella's room.

Her bed was empty.

I pushed, and was shocked to discover that the window was open.

I stepped lightly into her room. Near her bed, bottles of alcohol, littered the floor.

Bella...a drinker? Can't be.

But the evidence suggested other wise.

But where was she at this time of night?

I scanned, the room. Looking for something that might betray to me where she was.

It was wrong, I knew. To stalk her like this, because she didn't belong to me anymore.

But I had to know that she was alright.

I had no idea when Alice's vision would come true.

But there was nothing in the room, to tell me where she was.

Then I saw. On the floor, next to her bed was a invitation for a party and an adress below.

_'TILL DRUNK DO US PART'_

It read.

Could this be where she was?

There was only one way to find out.

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_**This Close - Flyleaf**_

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	2. Chapter 2: Different

**"The judge is goin' easy 'cause he paid for her chest**

**Yeah, he loves his little naughty wicked witch of the west"**

**- Chad Kroeger**

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**Bella's P.O.V**

To say the least, I've been drinking upon arrival. I'm not new to parties, I had been to several over the last month. This one was no different. I was use to seeing the same faces. Drunk.

Dancing, acting wild.

Truthfully, I never liked parties before, mainly because I had never gone to one before.

But here, I could let loose, for a few hours. I could numb the pain with alcohol and forget about everything that had happened.

I could feel, just for a little while, normal...sort of.

I was on the dance floor now, drink in hand. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered what Edward would say if he saw me now.

No. I can't think about Edward now. He can't have this too.

"Bella," a drunk voice said as I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

His lips came to me ear and I knew who it was right away. Adrian.

I had met him at several parties and I knew he liked me.

Right now, he just reeked of alcohol.

"What do you want?" I tried to make my voice firm but it was kind of hard to do that with you're fighting a buzz.

"Why don't you come with me? You know you want to." his voice slurred.

I tried to walk away from him but he just pulled me back.

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**Edward's P.O.V**

I heard the music, before I saw the building.

The party was in Seattle, at one of the night clubs.

Never, did I think Bella was capable of going to a party.

The smell of alcohol attacked me when I entered the room, after a huge bribe to the security.

The party was wild. Party-goers were all over the place, drinks in hand.

I never pictured Bella with this kind of crowd.

I scanned the room, searching for her. Searching and becoming fearful at every second that passed when I couldn't see her.

Fear of the never ending possible scenarios that could have happened to her.

She was so fragile. Delicate.

Then, I saw her.

She was standing on the dance floor, some man's arms wrapped around her waist. Rage blew through me.

How dare he!

I watched as she attempted to walk away from him, only to have him pull her back.

I could tell by his stance that he was drunk, and I was still surprised to see a drink in her hand.

After a few moments, he pulled her towards the edge of the dance floor and down a corridor, away from other people. She attempted to resist but her attempts were weak.

She was drunk.

I followed, waiting to see what would happened. I watched from behind, the corridor corner as he pressed her against a wall and began trailing his hands up her thigh.

The rage and anger that blew through me then caused me to start to shake.

She began to push him away, but he held her tight.

Thoughts of what he wanted to do to her passed through his head.

That did it.

I darted across to where they were and slammed him into the wall.

His eyes opened wide when he saw what had happened.

"What the hell!" he shouted attempting to pull me off him.

His attempts were worthless.

"Edward. What are you doing?" Bella screamed at me, while trying to pull me off the man.

"He was going to hurt you," I said through clenched teeth, my grip on his throat tightening, causing him to splutter.

"What the fuck is it to you!" she yelled. That caught me.

I dropped him and turned to her.

Shock, the most dominant feature on my face.

She was furious at me.

Why? Because I stopped him from hurting her?

The man stood after several moments, holding his throat. His eyes burning with fury.

My expression changed as I turned to him.

His was anger nothing compared to mine though.

He saw that and grabbed Bella's hand and attempted to pull her away.

I wasn't letting this bastard do that.

I grabbed her other hand, before he had taken half a step.

"She isn't going anywhere with you," I snarled through clenched teeth.

The expression on my face must have been terrifying because he dropped Bella's hand and backed away.

Once he was gone, she turned to face me. Fury in her eyes.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Incase you forgot. I don't belong to you!" she screamed at me.

She turned to leave but I wasn't prepared to let her.

Not after what happened.

Who knew what other trouble she could get into?

I tightened my lock on her wrist and began pulling her towards the back exit.

She screamed at me.

It was wrong because she was right. She doesn't belong to me, but I couldn't just leave her here.

I pulled her out to my car and opened the passenger door for her.

"Unless you failed to realise, I can get myself home without your help," she said.

"With who? One of your drunk friends?" There was no way I was going to let her do that.

I had seen enough of what happens when you drink and drive. "Bella you could get killed like that?"

Her eyes narrowed at me. "Don't know why you're so mad. It would save you the trouble."

I couldn't believe what she just said. How, how could she ever think that I would want her dead?

I couldn't even fathom the though of her hurt.

Part of me wanted to point out this obvious fact to her, but this really wasn't the place to do it.

"Bella please" I whispered. Not wanting to fight with her.

She shook her head. A stubborn frown on her face.

I sighed.

Being careful not to hurt her, I forced her into the front seat, while she screamed and thrashed more.

When I shut the door, I darted to the driver's side, got in and locked the doors before she could attempt to run.

She groaned in defeat.

"Put your seatbelt on," I said as I started the car.

"Fuck you," she shot back.

I was takenaback by that.

What the hell had happened to her?

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**Shakin' Hands - Nickelback**

**All The Right Moves - One Republic**

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	3. Chapter 3: Already Over

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**_"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."_**

**_- George MacDonald _**

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Edward's P.O.V

As I drove down the wet, dark highway back to Forks, I couldn't help but glance at her.

She was bent over, her face in her hands.

I wanted to ask her or better yet, demand to know what happened to her.

Why she was acting like this.

"Pull over," Her voice startled me. She didn't even look up when she said it.

"Bella, I'm not going to leave you at the side of the road." it was dark and deserted along the highway, with trees covering each side.

She looked up and glared at me.

"Not that."

She didn't continue so I did as she asked. Tensing myself to run after her if necessary.

When the car came to a complete stop she opened the door with a shaky hand and began taking off her seatbelt, which I had to put on her after her refusal.

She stepped out of the car and walked a distance.

All I could do was watch as she stopped and threw up all over the muddy floor.

I was out of the car in seconds.

"Bella," I called. Frantic.

Her eyes were closed as she slowly tried to regain composure.

Fear wracked through me.

What if that thing she was drinking was spiked? What if she was really sick?

I stayed close to her, as she continued to throw up all over the forest floor.

After several moments, when she stopped dry heaving, she sank down on a mossy log.

I wrapped my arms around her, trying to comfort her, but she pulled away.

Her skin was cold, and she began to shiver.

Quickly I pulled off my coat and handed it to her.

She shook her head.

"You're sick enough as is. Try to atleast stay warm." my voice sounded pained. I hated seeing her suffer.

She looked at me for a few seconds, frowning. She seemed to be searching for something on my face.

After a moment, she took my coat and put it on.

We sat there in silence, listening to the rain fall.

I couldn't wait any longer. I had to know. I had to ask.

"Bella, what happened to you?" I watched her face as she processed my question.

I saw something flickr in her eyes, then a moment later it was gone.

What was it?

She didn't answer. She just stood up and began walking back to my car.

Once we were both in, we continued on our way to Forks.

It seemed, she wasn't going to answer my question.

"What would Charlie think?" I muttered. More to myself, than to her.

But she heard me, nevertheless.

Her eyes darted to my face.

"Charlie's dead," she said.

That, I wasnt expecting.

"What...when...how?" Charlie dead? He couldn't be. I racked my brain, realising I hadn't seen him at all since my return, and neither had Alice.

"A month and a half ago." Her voice didn't falter. Didn't even break. It was the voice of someone who had long since accepted and was over the shock.

"He and Renee were at Charlie's house, on their way to the hospital, when someone broke in, and murdered them."

Wait, Renee too? Then...

"Who are you living with?"

She laughed without any humour.

"I'm eighteen. I am old enough to live on my own. What, you thought social services would put me in foster care?"

Alice never told me any of this. Then again, she probably didn't even know.

When Alice was relaying to me, about Bella, she said Bella told her, Charlie was away. Alice hadn't asked when he was coming back.

"So you live there...alone?"

"Yes."

"Is that what happened to you?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound rude.

She didn't answer.

The rest of the ride was quiet. I was deep in thought about Beall living alone, and wondering if I was somehow the reason for this mess as I seem to be for everything else going wrong in her life.

Too soon, we were infront of her house. She didn't even wait, she quickly took off my jacket, opened the car door and stepped out. Before closing it though, she paused for a few seconds. Her eyes seem to betray her as they showed a neverending wave of agony in them, before she slammed the door and walked to her house.

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**Already Over- RED**

**Never Be The Same - RED**

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	4. Chapter 4: Missing

**You won't cry for my absence, I know -**

**You forgot me long ago.**  
**Am I that unimportant...?**  
**Am I so insignificant...?**  
**Isn't something missing?**  
**Isn't someone missing me?**

**- Amy Lee**

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I should have left her after that.

Gone home, but I couldn't leave her with Alice's vision still somewhere in the future.

I had called Alice after my talk with Bella and she said whenever she looked for Bella's future she just kept having that same horrible vision.

"I don't know the whens', wheres' or whys'," Alice's voice was worried through the phone.

I knew how much she cared for Bella, as did my whole family.

I was standing amoung the trees close to Bella's house, the sun was just beginning to rise.

There was no sound coming from Bella's house.

I sighed.

"Alright, I'm coming home in a few," I said before closing the phone.

I didn't want to leave her, but I needed to go home and change my clothes.

It was still early and Bella was sleeping so I sure she would be alright for a half an hour.

Casting one quick glance at the house, I turned around and ran back to my house.

As I ran, my mind was on the same thought, that it had been in all of lastnight.

What happened to Bella?

Whilst I was sure, losing both of her parents played a part in her change, something else had to have happened.

Before too long, I was at my back at my house.

Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were gone.

Alice sat my the kitchen table her head in her hands as she searched for Bella's future.

At my arrival, she stopped and looked up at me.

She gave me a sad smile.

I had already told her what happened between Bella and I last night.

"I'm surprised you were able to leave her," she admitted.

I sighed.

"So was I," I admitted.

Esme came into the kitchen then.

"How is she?" she asked softly.

I looked at Alice.

"You didn't tell her?" I had assumed Alice had told them just how much Bella had changed.

"No I didn't tell her," Alice admitted to me in her mind.

I left then, as Alice began to relay to Esme about Bella and the party.

I went up to my room, and changed.

When I came back down, Carlisle and Esme were both looking at Alice shocked.

I knew the questions were going to start coming but I really didn't have time.

The sun had already risen and I didn't know what she would do.

"I need to go though," I said quickly, as Esme was about to ask her questions.

Before they could respond I darted out the door and ran back to Bella's house ...but it was empty.

I could no longer hear Bella's breathing. Her truck was also gone.

I darted up to her window not even caring if anyone saw me, and pushed at her window.

Again I was shocked to see it was open.

Carefully I stepped in. Her bed was empty. I ran through the house searching but the house was deserted.

I had searched all the rooms, except...

I stood outside Charlie's room, my hand on the doorhandle.

I had never been in here before.

The door was open, and when I pushed it open, I was shocked to see that nothing had changed.

Yes, there was dust on most of the surfaces, but it didn't look as though Bella had moved anything.

I wanted to know what had happened to Charlie and Renee but I couldn't find out without Bella.

A quick look through the room showed it was empty.

But then, where was Bella?

I darted back to her room. Searching like last night on anything regarding where she would be.

I grew frantic.

Where could she be?

I jumped out the window then and back to my house, heading towards my car.

My mind only focussed on finding Bella.

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**What I've done - Linkin Park**

**Missing - Evanescence**

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	5. Chapter 5: Never be the same

**"_There is one pain I often feel which you will never know_ **

**because it is _caused by the absence of you_."**

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"Where is she?" my voice was frantic.

I had been searching for Bella up and down Forks and Port Angeles since I saw she was gone.

I had begun searching Seattle a few hours ago, and as I looked out into the distance, I saw that the sun was getting ready to set over the rainy city.

Only by shere luck, had it rained today, letting me come out of the car and search for her by foot as well, but it was pointless,

Bella was no where to be found.

My mind had been racing with the endless amount of possible things that could have happened to her,

each one as horrible as the last.

I was just considering calling my family and beg them to come and help me look, when I spotted her truck in the car park of a local restaurant.

My heart sighed in relief. Quickly, I parked my car close to hers and went into the restaurant, not even caring what she would say when she saw me.

I just had to see her, and know that she was okay.

I briefly wondered if she had come here to meet someone and my heart, though sighing in relief at finding her, ached at that possibility.

A raven haired waitress was at her post by the door, reading a book when I came in.

She jumped when she saw me and her mind began buzzing with disgusting thoughts.

"_Mmmmm, finally something good around here. Wonder if he has a girlfriend?_

_Don't matter, I'm sure I can sweep him up," _she thought before flashing a smile.

I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes.

I tuned her out and began searching for Bella.

It was small restaurant, just one room, so I could see all the tables.

It took me only a second to spot her, sitting at a table alone, reading a book.

Figures. I would be searching for her, worried about what could have happened, while she just sat in a restaurant reading a book.

"Will you like a table?" the waitress' words brought me out of my thoughts.

I thought it over for a moment.

"Actually, I'm meeting someone."

I pointed to Bella, who had not noticed my arrival.

The waitress looked at Bella and sighed.

_Figures, he's meeting a girlfriend. Oh, maybe she is his friend. Well no matter, I'll get him anyway._

It was amazing how all of this could be going on in her mind, whilst she kept her face blank.

She lead me over to where Bella sat. She didn't look up as I took the empty seat opposite her.

It was several moments before she looked up.

"Figures you'd find me," she said closing the book and taking a sip of her drink.

I caught a scent of alcohol from it.

I was about to comment on it, when she raised her hand,

"It only has a bit. Not enough to put me in danger."

She said rolling her eyes.

We were silent again.

She didn't seem to acknowledge me as she stirred her drink absentmindly with her straw.

I wished, again, I could know what she was thinking.

She looked up at me then, and seemed to be searching or something in me eyes.

As the waiter passed she called to him.

"Can I get the bill?"

When he walked away, she looked back down away from me.

He brought it a few minutes later. I was have gladly paid for it, but she worked to keep the amount hidden

and the waiter was more concerned with sneaking left overs out than the amount on the bill.

Once it was paid, she got up to leave.

I didn't stand to follow, knowing she probably didn't want me to.

Not that it mattered. I was going to keep an eye on her nevertheless, but she surprised me when as she was leaving, she turned and said.

"Are you coming?"

I didn't hesitate. I followed her out of the restaurant expecting her to go to her truck but instead she turned and walked further down the street.

Darkness was quickly approaching as we walked down the deserted street.

"You asked last night. About what happened to me?" she said. "Charlie and Renee's death was part of the reason...but not all."

More had happened? Even though I was insanely curious, part of me was terrified to know.

Bella's P.O.V

"I use to come to Seattle before alot. Just to get away. It was late that night, and ofcourse my mind was far," I paused. Far. Ofcourse my mind was far. It had been since he left.

I sighed.

"I suppose it will always be partly my fault. Maybe if I was paying more attention, I would have seen them."

I stopped at an alley. It was dark and dingy and away from civilization just as I remembered.

"It was late. One minute I was walking, the next I felt something hit me behind my head knocking me out, and the feeling of being dragged."

I remembered as if it was just yesterday. No amount of alcohol could ever fully erase it.

"I felt arms pulling me and when I opened my eyes, I saw it was two of them."

"They beat me ofcourse. I thought it was over then, when the kicking stopped but it wasn't."

I paused then and looked at him. He had been silent but the pain in his eyes spoke volumes which I miss-read.

"I'll save you the details," I wished I could save myself from it.

"They left me in the alleyway and it wasn't until a lady on her way home found me. They took me to the hospital in Seattle, which is why no one at Forks knows about it." I was grateful for that. I really didn't need the fake symphathy.

"Charlie had been helping with the investigating up till his death but..."

I sighed. Charlie had been working so hard to try to bring me Justice. And it cost him his life.

I didn't look at Edward. I didn't want to see the look on his face.

His body was motionless.

"I had better get going." he didn't say anything as I walked away, and back to my truck. It wasn't until I was about to drive away that I realised he wasn't behind me.

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**Never too late – Three Days Grace**

**Earth Song – Michael Jackson**

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	6. Chapter 6: Too Late

**_"Trust Is Like A Mirror Once Broken You Never Look At In The Same Way Again"._**

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The next day, early in the morning, I sat in my room, staring out into the foggy view. I had been sitting in the same position for hours. My family were keeping their distance, knowing I needed to be alone for a while.

Last night had been a blur.

After I finally made it home, to their anxious faces, I don't even remember telling them what had happened, about what Bella told me. I had stuttered it out, the entire time wondering if it was right of me to share her personal information. I had been so out of it, I didn't worry about that for long.

I could remember the faces that followed. Esme holding her chest as dry sobes wracked her body. Alice's face was a mask of horror while Emmett,Carlisle and Jasper were just left speechless. Even Rosalie, who never really liked Bella was stunned.

She knew what it was like to have your innocense ripped away luke that, and it was not something she would wish on anyone.

That had been last night.

My family were keeping their distance. Wanting to comfort me but not knowing how to.

When the sun finally rose, I started to get dress for school. It was the first time Alice and I would be returning since coming back to Forks. I dressed mechanically, not caring for a moment.

When I went out into the hallway, everything was quiet. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were gone. Esme and Carlisle were off into the kitchen. Alice was sitting on the bottom step her head in her hands, still searching for Bella's future. I sat next to her and waited.

Bella's future still came as the one before. Nothing had changed in the vision. Suicide and death was still was the main plot. She sighed and looked up at me.

"How are you?" she asked lightly, all the while knowing the answer.

"Let's just go," I said getting up.

Alice stood to follow, knowing I didn't want to talk.

Esme came out of the kitchen then. I could see the underlying guilt in her eyes, before I tuned in properly to her thoughts.

"Edward before you go, please tell Bella how sorry we are that we were not here to protect her."

I couldn't understand why Esme felt guilty. I knew she thought of Bella as a daughter but it was my fault that we had to leave her in the first place.

My fault. This was all my fault. Those words had been pounding in my head all night.

I didn't want to argue with her, so I just noded and headed out to the garage with Alice.

When we arrived at Forks High School, all eyes were on us ofcourse.

Whispers followed.

I quickly scanned the parkinglot for Bella's truck.

I spotted it, because she was standing infront of it talking to Angela. They turned, just as everyone else had when we pulled in. I parked in the available spot close to hers. It was only four cars down, but it felt like much more.

"Angela, I'll see you in class," I heard Bella say just as the bell rang.

Everyone began rushing to first period.

Before I could even think, I darted after Bella. I could hear Alice behind me telling me not to but I didn't care. I ran at human pace past the hustle of other students.

I managed the catch up with her before she went to her first class.

"Bella," I called.

"Please can we talk," my voice sounded deperate, even to me.

She looked back at me with cold eyes.

"About what?" the pain in her voice tore at my every being.

"I'm sorry. I know I never should have left and you paid the price but please, just talk to me."

She began shaking her head before I was done.

"What happened to me had nothing to do with you. You have no tie to me. You said you wanted it to be like you never existed, well shit like that happens to humans all the time. And you were right, I am not good enough for you. Not then, not now."

She began to walk away but I couldn't let her go.

I grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Please!"

"No!" her voice was fierce. "Why can't you just let me go? Don't you get it? It's too late."

I let her yank her arm away from my grasp. And she backed away slowly, like one would a horrible creature who might attack.

With caution and underlying fear.

"It's too late," she whispered one more time, before turning and going to her first class.

Those words rang out in my head. Pounding, causing pain to every part of my body.

Too late. Too late.

It couldn't be too late. Please, don't let it be too late.

* * *

Bella's P.O.V

After that morning, I did everything I could to avoid Edward. When I came out of the hospital, I'd shuffled up my classes so I no longer had the same classes Edward and I had before he left. The only class I couldn't change however, was last period Biology. That was the only time of the day when I saw him.

When I came to school on a morning, even if he reached before me, I would avoid eye contact and go straight to my class. When luch came around, I opted for going to the library instead or eating under the shealter outside. I stayed away from the cafeteria at all cost.

Edward knew I was trying to avoid him but he didn't give up. He would still try to talk on mornings, lunch and after school.

On the seventh day, that I still hadn't spoken to him, I had ditched last period Biology and went to the library instead.

I wasn't alone for long though.

"You don't give up to do?" I said without looking up from the book I'd been reading. He had come from amoung the shelves and was just about to speak.

"I won't give up." he said, trying to get me to give him a moment of my time.

I didn't respond.

"Please, Bella, just talk to me." He came over and sat in the chair opposite me.

I still didn't respond.

He fisted his hair in anger.

"Please, yell at me, curse me out, just please, I can't take the silence," his voice was pleading.

The bell signaling the end of the day rang then.

Saved by the bell. How ironic

I got up and began packing away my things.

It wasn't until I had gotten up and walked a bit that I spoke.

I turned and saw he wasn't looking at me.

"This evening," I said.

He turned, his eyes hopeful.

"Come to my house, around 4. We'll talk then."

I turned before he could respond properly and started walking away. But not before hearing him whisper, "Thank You".

* * *

**Songs used to write this chapter.**

**Too late - Dead by Sunrise **  
**Let Go - RED**

* * *

**Don't forget to review!**


	7. Chapter 7: Not there yet

**She held her grief behind her eyes like an ocean and **

**when she leaned forward into the day it spilled **

**onto the floor and she wiped at it quickly **

**with her foot and pretended nobody had seen.**

**- Story People**

* * *

**Bella's P.O.V**

Why I had agreed to talk to Edward, I didn't know.

I sat at my kitchen table, holding a glass of gin. It was a horrible way of dealing with my problems,

drinking so much,

but it was the most effective way I had.

The numbness of it, is what I yearned for most.

If I drank enough, I'd pass out and not have to feel anything at all.

When it was 3:59 my mind was already adjusting to the possibility that he wouldn't come.

Why should he?

I was watching the digital clock above the oven as it turned to 4:00. At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

I rolled my eyes.

Exactly on time as usual.

I paused briefly before opening the door.

I still couldn't believe what I was doing.

When I opened it, he stood in the doorway. Seeing him there brought back memories of the thousands of times I had seen him in that exact place.

It took me back briefly to a easier time, before he left and my world came crashing down.

"Hi," he said quietly, as if he was having just a hard time as me believing what was infront of him.

I sighed.

"Somethings never change," I said, moving aside to let him in.

I followed behind him to the kitchen table, where he sat opposite me.

He eyed the glass I had been drinking.

I knew he could smell the alcohol and I really didn't care.

The last thing I needed was for him to try to tell me what to do.

We were silent for a few moments.

Then I saw it coming, the apology.

"I'm.." he began but I held my hand up.

"If you're going to apologize again then don't bother. It's not your fault what happened, I told you, you have no tie to me, so what happened when you were gone, doesn't matter."

"Ofcourse it matters!" though his voice was fierce, it held that sadness.

I shook my head.

"Bella, if I'd known. If I'd only known what leaving you would have caused, I never would have left. I thought I was protecting you but it

cost you so much," again there was that sadness.

He paused for a moment. And when he spoke again, the fear of my response could be heard in his voice.

"Can you ever forgive me?"

I didn't answer right away.

I wanted so badly to point out that there was nothing to forgive because ..blame but I knew that he wouldn't listen.

I realized then, that forgiving him was not the problem.

Ever being able to trust him again was.

So I spoke truthfully when I said, "I forgive you."

He seemed relieved by that but at the same time, he knew something was up.

He knew there was something, I was not telling him.

If only he knew.

We were silent then.

He sighed."Then where do we stand?"

"I don't know," and truly I didn't.

"Can't we atleast be friends?"

I raised my eyebrows at that.

"Friends?" He really was desperate for some kind of relationship with me.

I laughed. The sound was not genuine.

"Alright, friends then."

* * *

And after that day we were. We were not back to the way it was before,

because truly we can never be but atleast I wasn't ignoring him.

Because of our different schedules, I would only see him at lunch and during Biology.

I returned to eating in the cafeteria, and on weekends, he would spend time at my house.

It ached to see how close to normal things were on the outside, when in the inside, I was torn up.

This new "friendship" status with Edward, also brought Alice and the rest of the Cullens into the picture.

Edward had asked me several times if I wanted to go and see them but I always refused pointing out the last things I needed was a pity party. I knew, that they knew about what happened after they left and the last thing I needed was the sympathy looks.

I had not spoken to any of them since since Italy, not even to Alice. Even before, when she was staying here,

I hadn't spoken to her much. She had asked where Charlie was, and I had told her he was out.

She had only stayed out of worry for me being alone. Things were not back to the way it was with her either. I would talk to her now and then but not on the friendly terms we once were.

I still worked with the Newtons' on Saturdays and on Sundays.

On this day, I had reached home late. The sun was already beginning to set behind the dark clouds.

I was tired and all I wanted to do was to let go for a while.

I turned on the lights, but the room stayed dark. I flicked it again but too no avail.

I realised that the electricity had been cut because of all the outstanding bills.

With Charlie gone, all the regular monthly bills were now up to me to pay but the problem was,

I still attend school, full time and am only able to work some weekends and after school for short periods, which made keeping up with all the bills hard. I had two months already outstanding on the electricity so it should not have surprised me that they cut it but still my eyes began to tear with the heavy burden I was feeling.

I took a deep breathe to calm myself, remembering that this was not the time to be crying, then began searching in the dark for candles and matches.

Luckily I found several but decided to only light one. The last thing I needed now was a fire.

After I had showered and my teeth were brushed, I went to my room and placed the candle on the window ledge.

I paused there and like many times the memories came swarming back to me.

Edward climbing through my window at night, Charlie's snores from the other room.

They all caused my heart to ache.

I thought of how much things had changed in such a short space of time.

I stood for several moments with my forehead pressed against the glass pane, looking out into the forest surrounding my house.

The emptiness and loneliness I felt at times like this was too painful.

I refused to cry though. Tears were nothing more than weakness in your eyes and right now I refused to be weak.

I blew the candle out and as I was about to turn to go to bed, I could have sworn I saw something pale moving among the trees.

* * *

**Edward's P.O.V**

I saw the smoke from the candle she had just blown out, as it faded into the air.

I knew, her need for it. It was because she couldn't pay the bills. I had seen them scattered on the counter tops.

I wanted so badly to help her but Bella was so stubborn, she would never allow it.

I wanted badly to go to her now.

To comfort her and hold in my arms while she slept, like we use to before my leaving messed up both our lives.

But I knew I couldn't.

So when her silent breathing was the only sound to be heard, I went back to my house.

When I reached back, Alice was waiting for me on the front step.

"How is she?" she asked. Even though, Bella was talking to Alice now, she too felt the strain in their relationship and she blamed herself for it.

She wanted so badly to have her "sister" back but it seemed the more Alice tried to hold onto Bella the more Bella seemed to push her away.

"She's managing," I said. I sat next to her on the porch step.

"What's wrong?", Alice ofcourse knew that something else was bothering me.

I told her about the bills that were backing up on Bella and how much I wanted to help her, and how she would refuse.

"That's Bella," she said nodding.

"Are you going to tell Esme?"

I didn't even consider that.

I knew it would crush Esme if she knew how much Bella was suffering.

I shook my head.

"That is best," she admitted.

I left Alice on the porch step and went to my room.

Closing the door, I felt the silence and pain consume me.

I wanted badly to help Bella, but how?

How do you help someone, who doesn't want your help?

* * *

**Blackbird - Linkin Park**

**

* * *

**

I'm realling hitting a stump on this story. I know how I want it to go, I already

know how it will end and the key events I want to put in (I've written it out already)

but I'm just having a hard time connecting it all.

Maybe it's just support I need.

Reviews would really help.


	8. Chapter 8: Alone

**_"Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt_, _deeply hurt by someone you trust_. "**

* * *

**Bella's P.O.V**

Pulling up into the driveway my emotions were pretty calm compared to how they were a few minutes before.

I had gone to the bank to deposit my pay check only to have a very unexpected and unwelcomed surprise.

A surprise I knew was curtosy of Edward.

Walking in, I took off my jacket and hung it up.

I had walked a short distance in when there was a knock at the door.

I went to open it, knowing right away who it was.

When I opened the door Edward's face was smooth, not betraying any emotions.

"Hey," I said my eyes narrowing slightly.

"Hey," he said. Then studying my face his expression changed to one of confusion.

"What?" he asked, looking geniuinly confused.

I rolled my eyes and moved aside to let him in.

"Well I went to the bank today and you won't believe what happened," I said when we both sat down, my eyes on him as I shared my latest news.

"What?" he asked. Feigning innocence. If I didn't know better I really might have believed his innocent act.

"Well, when I was depositing my check, there seemed to have been a huge mix-up. You won't believe that somehow a huge sum of money had been deposited into my bank account and somehow that went to paying off my bills and upcoming ones," I said. My eyes narrowed in the process.

"Really?" he said surprised.

"You wouldn't by any chance know how that got there do you?"

He didn't even miss a beat. "No, why?"

I rolled my eyes at that.

"Well it doesn't matter because I told the bank they made a mistake so they sent the money back and cancelled the payments and to make sure that the "mistake", I air quoted, "Doesn't happen, I closed that account."

He sighed. He knew he had been caught from the beginning.

"Why won't you let me help you," he pleaded.

"Because I need to do this on my own.

"That doesn't make any sence Bella. Just let me help you this one time and if you want you could pay me back."

I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"I'll charge you interest if you want."

Again I shook my head.

He sighed frustrated.

"Why can't you just let me do this on my own?" I demanded angrily.

"Because I hate the thought of you suffering when I can more than provide for you," he said.

"Edward," I said slowly. I didn't know how to explain this. "I need to stop relying on other people to help me with my problems. Because when their not there anymore, I'm left with bigger problems."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere," his voice was firm but not enough.

"You said that before," I replied quietly.

I saw the pain come to his eyes and I regretted saying that right away.

* * *

As time when on, my financial situation did not get any better. Sitting down one evening looking writing out the cash I did have against the expenses mounting up, things were not looking too good. The bills were pilling up and with the Newtons' measly wages I was not able to make ends meet. The heat had been cut the day before and living in rainy Forks where temperature is always dropping wasn't helping.

The only thing I was able to pay for was running water and food. And even the food was barely there. There was a particular expense I was focused on. Something I had been saving up from the very beginning. Tucking away bits of cash here and there saving up for the day when I could finally do this last deed. I figured, maybe if I rearranged a few bills, I could pay it off sooner and get it out of the way.

Ofcourse it didn't take long before Edward became aware of my current circumstances.

"Why is it so cold in here?" he asked one evening.

I was momentarily stumped. "How can you tell?" His skin was so cold how would he be able to tell the difference.

He gave me a dubious look. "I can feel when a temperature is different Bella," he said rolling his eyes. "But really, why is it so cold in here? Isn't it too cold for you?" he asked, eyeing the hoodie I was wearing.

Truthfully, it was pretty cold but there wasn't much I could do.

I wasn't prepared to make up some lame excuse or to hide it so I just came right out and said that the heat had been cut.

His eyes widened and I saw the pleading for me to let him help before he even said anything.

"No," I said before he could utter a word.

"Bella, please" that pain in his voice was cracking my restrain.

I shook my head.

"How long are you going to keep this up?" he asked angrily.

I ddn't reply.

* * *

**Song: Linkin Park - Pushing me away (not the version from hybrid theory but the one they played at Road to Revolution)**

**

* * *

**

I've had this chapter written and ready for days now but was having trouble knowing when to stop the chapter. And so far I'm failing at that.

I know the chapters are short but knowing when to end the chapter of the problem.

Don't forget to review!


	9. Chapter 9: Nightmare

**Watching me; Wanting me; **  
**I can feel you pull me down **  
**Fearing you; Loving you; **  
**I won't let you pull me down**

**- Amy Lee**

* * *

**Bella's P.O.V**

It was dark and cold and I was lying on the wet pavement in a dark alley.

Above me the moon was just over head and the stars continued to shine.

I tried to get up but invisible cords seem to hold me down.

I recognized the dumpsters, and that feeling of loneliness, and I knew what was coming.

I cried out for help, wanting to get away, as far away as possible but I knew it was useless.

But no matter how much I screamed no one seemed to hear me.

They didn't then. They didn't now.

Then I saw him.

Edward.

And I called out to him.

He stood off to the side, leaning on the alley wall, his arms folded.

But no matter how much I yelled, how much I cried, he either couldn't or wouldn't help me.

He just looked at me with those eyes. Those far away distant eyes I had seen that day in the forest when he first told me he was leaving.

Then I could hear them. Two sets of footprints.

Walking down to where I lay.

They wore that same clothes they did that night.

When the came up to me, the stopped and their eyes gazed down on me with that animalistic hunger.

I saw one of them smile while the other licked his lips.

I knew what was coming. I knew that no matter how much I tried to fight them they were stronger than me.

As I felt their arms hold me down. Their cold, smooth hands holding down my wrist.

Looking into their eyes I shivered.

Seeing the hunger there. Those dark eyes with a tint of red. I cried out to Edward again to please help me.

He didn't even budge. He just continued to watch them hurt me.

Then he whispered those words. Those words that shattered my heart then, and continue to shatter it now.

"It will be as if I never existed."

I woke screaming. The tears beginning to form in my eyes.

I covered my mouth with my hands as I continued to scream.

My breathing irregular. My heart erratic.

Every time I blinked I kept seeing those images. My entire body was shaking.

I fought back the tears that wanted to fall.

It took me a while to get my breathing back to normal, but even then

I did not go back to sleep that night.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

Alice's vision flickered and just for a moment she was able to see Bella's future, and she saw how Bella having a nightmare,

I was out the house, running at full speed back to her house.

But just on the edges of the trees surrounding her house, I paused. Remembering that Bella no longer wanted me to comfort her.

I knew that if I was to go to her now, she would be angry.

I fought with myself, wanting to comfort her but wanting to respect her wishes. I knew

she kept her window locked at nights, and the only way to get into the house would be to break in - seeing as

she already removed the spare key.

I realized all I could do was stay in the forest hidden, as Alice's vision came true and Bella woke screaming.

Hearing her cry out, and not being able to help her, tore at every part of me.

I wanted to go to her, to comfort her but I couldn't. Because I wasn't there when she needed me most,

so she no longer wanted me there at all.

When scream turned to muffled sobs, I still couldn't go to her.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against my heart, wanting to go to her.

"Bella," I whispered, my voice no louder than a whisper.

When her sobs eventually faded, and the only sounds coming from her house were breathing, I left and returned home. Even though I could have gotten there faster, if I ran, I had no need to reach back quickly. I felt like I had no purpose. I walked slowly back, not caring of where I was going, my mind on the broken angel I had left behind.

I wanted to help her, but so far, every attempt I made at reaching out to her, Bella refused, saying she needed to do this on her own. But I couldn't just stand aside and watched as she suffered. Bella has too much going on now, for her to keep it bottled up.

When I reached back to my house I knew who had I had to talk to. Whose advice, had never failed me before.

I went straight to Carlisle's office.

As I darted up the stairs, I heard Alice calling out to me from her room, waiting to know how it went, but I ignored her. Just wanting to talk to Carlisle.

I knocked twice before he called me in.

Carlisle was at his desk reading one of his medical journals when I came in.

"Edward? How can I help you?" he asked, resting the book on his lap.

I crossed the room and sat on the arm rest of the chair facing with him before I answered.

"Carlisle,I want to find a way to help Bella," I then told him about Bella's nigh terrors and how I couldn't help her. How as much as I wanted to, I just couldn't. He listened in silence, not interrupting. Just waiting for me to get it all out. When I was finished, I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He saw my problem.

"And you want to get Bella to confide in you?" he asked.

I thought it over. Yes it was true. I wanted Bella to be able to trust me, but I knew that, that was something I had to work on, on my own.

"No, I want to be able to let it out. To talk to someone, anyone about what happened to her in Seattle."

Carlilse thought for a moment. "How about a psychologist? Do you know if Bella ever went to talk to one?"

I thought for a moment. "No," I realized.

"Okay, then I'll sent up an appointment for her at Dr. Snieders' office," he said.

"Thank you," I said. I was grateful, but even then I knew that, this was the easy part, getting Bella to go see the psychologist will be the problem.

I was about to stand up to leave, when something occurred to me.

Something that I'd been putting off thinking about.

"Carlisle, do you have access to police records in Seattle? Or a way to acquire them" I asked.

He hadn't expected that.

"I never tried but if I did I could probably get it. Why?" I think he knew what I wanted, but he just wanted to hear me say it.

"I want to know how Seattle police are handling her attack. If they ever found the people responsible. I know she said Charlie had been working hard on investigating it but, I don't know if after his death, Seattle police continued looking."

Carlisle studied my face for a moment. "Why do you want to know though?" he asked.

And I heard in his mind, what he didn't say. Revenge. He wanted to know if I was planning on avenging Bella's attackers.

I sighed, "Yes, it occurred to me. I want Bella to be able to move on from what happened. I know that she is still haunted from what happened and maybe if the people who did it are brought to justice, it would help her to feel safer," I decided not to point out that my type of justice would be cracked skulls.

"Okay, I'll see what I could find on the police report. And I'll call tomorrow and set up an appointment.

"Thank you," I said heading for the door.

"Edward!," Carlisle called as I was about to shut the door behind me. His eyes, which had been thoughtful before now turned to one of sadness. "I know Bella must be giving you a hard time and resisting but don't give up trying to help her. She's hurting alot more than she let's people believe and she needs you now, more than ever."

I nodded, knowing how true his words were. Then I shut the door behind me.

The next day, I waited till after school to tell Bella about her appointment.

Carlisle was able to get her an appointment in for the day after.

Walking up the steps to her house, I still hadn't decided how best to tell her.

I sighed before knocking.

"It's open," I heard her call.

Walking inside, I was about to comment on her leaving her door unlocked like that when I saw her sitting by the kitchen table reading a book. She looked so...normal. Remembering how she screamed out the night before, and the pain she must have felt yet, pushing it all aside now to appear normal.

Sitting opposite her, I thought carefully how I wanted to get my point across without angering her.

"How are you?" I asked, carefully looking at her expression.

She shrugged, faking nonchalant. "Fine"

Ofcourse I didn't believe that.

The dark circles under her eyes and the slight pain in her voice told another story.

Not wanting to stall anymore, I decided to just come out with it.

"There's something I want to talk to you about," I said.

Her eyes flashed to my face, and I could almost see her defenses being put up.

"Yes?"

"Did you ever talk to anyone about what happened to you in Seattle?" I asked.

Her eyes narrowed. "Like who?"

"I mean, other than the police and your parents. Have you ever talked to someone about how you're feeling?"

"Why?"

I came out with it then. Insisting that she atleast give it a chance.

Ofcourse, it did not go over well with her.

Bella, argued and refused to go and talk to anyone.

Pointing out that I can't force her to do anything and she wasn't going.

By then time I left her for the evening, she was still set in her ways.

Despite her refusal, hearing her argue with me, I realized just how much she needed this.

I was going to get her help, no matter what.

When I reached home, Carlisle was waiting for me.

Alice sat next to him her thoughts somewhat impatient, with Esme nearby in the livingroom.

The others had gone hunting.

"How did it go?" he asked as I came through the door.

"About as well as you'd think," I said.

I sat by the kitchen table, waiting to hear what Carlisle had to say.

I could tell by his thoughts, that he wanted to discuss something with me.

"I found the information you wanted," he explained. "I thought I'd wait till you arrive back before I told anyone," his gaze flickered to Alice and back.

Well that explained why Alice was on edge.

"What did you find?"

"Not much. I contacted someone from the Seattle Police Department and was told that the case file on Bella's assault was removed. That Charlie had taken it the night before he was found dead. They said investigators had asked Bella if she knew where the files were. She said she didn't," Carlisle explained. "The officer running the investigation wasn't able to remember much except for one thing. They were never able to gather any clues for a positive I.D. But other than that, not much else."

I couldn't believe it, "So what? They just gave up?"

"There wasn't much they could do without the files. And since their missing, there's not much they can do."

I couldn't believe this. That means Bella would never have the justice she deserves and the people who did it will never be found.

"But there is something else," Carlisle said, pulling me out of my anger. "I also asked on the murder investigation on Charlie and Renee. They said the case had gone cold, but so far they know that someone broke into the house late at night and killed them. The person was careful enough not to leave fingerprints so they we're never able to gather enough for an identification. What they do know is there was more than one person. They guess atleast two."

I didn't say anything for a moment. My thoughts went for a moment to my human parents. I was around the same age as Bella when I lost them. But I was also struck with the influenza and shortly after I was turned, there was never enough time for me to register the pain of losing them. I couldn't even remember if I felt anything over their death.

But Bella, she was experiencing that pain now. I know that no matter how hard I tried, I could never imagine what it is like to lose ones' parents in such a horrible way.

"How soon after Bella's attack was Charlie and Renee murdered?" Alice asked suddenly.

"It was two nights after." Carlisle answered her. "She was still in the hospital when she was told. I'm guessing that by the time she left the hospital, they had closed up searching the house so Bella was free to return home." his voice trailed off and I realized that his, Alice and my thoughts went to the same thing. Bella was left to clean up the house where her parents were murdered. Thoughts of Bella cleaning a blood soaked floor ran through Alice's mind.

"Why does Bella stay in that house if that is where Charlie and Renee was murdered? Why doesn't she leave?"

"I don't know. But I guess, it's because she can't. Where else would she go? I would offer for her to stay here but she doesn't even want my help financially, far less for housing," I couldn't help the bitterness in my voice. I wanted to help her so badly, but she was so set in her ways.

From the doorway, I saw Esme approaching. "Help her financially?" she asked confused.

_You shouldn't have said that, _Alice's said through her thoughts.

And I immediately saw why. It was why I hadn't told Esme about Bella's financial struggles. I knew if she found out, it would hurt her.

"What do you mean by 'help her financially' Edward?" Esme asked again.

I had already let it slip, so there was no point denying it.

I told Esme about Bella's financial troubles and how she was making do with what she had.

As I expected, Esme was shocked.

"But Edward you have to help her!" Esme's hand went over her heart.

"I tried. But she refuses to take any help. She even went as far as to close down her previous bank account just so I can't put money into it," my voice sounded frustrated.

"But she can't do this on her own," Esme's mind began spinning with ways that she could help Bella. To Esme it was like hearing her own daughter was suffering. I knew she felt the same way as me. Knowing Bella was suffering even though we could more than help her.

In the hours leading up to Bella's appointment, I stayed outside her house, knowing she would try to make a break for it the moment my back was turned. Alice wanted to be there with Bella while she went "for support" so she stayed with me. Bella's appointment was set for 9:00a.m so Alice and I began discussing strategy on how to get her there knowing without doubt that she was going to put up one heck of a fight. Around 7:30 when I could hear sounds coming from inside the house, I headed up the steps to her house, preparing for the onslaught that would no doubt follow.

* * *

**Hopefully, Bella will give it a chance and begin to heal. There is something strange about the people that attacked Bella in Seattle **

**and the one's that murdered Charlie and Renee. Also, what happened to the missing files on Bella's assault?**

**This is the longest chapter I've written so far. It took a while but I'd really wanted to write a long one for a change.**

**Song's used to write this chapter**

**Haunted - Evanescence**  
**The Last song I'm wasting on you - Evanescence**

**Don't forget Reviews really give me the edge I need so don't forget to review!**


	10. Chapter 10: Healing

**"Forgiveness and letting go are steps on **

**our road back to happiness."**

**- Tina Dayton**

* * *

**Bella's P.O.V**

Truthfully, I had been planning to make a break for it. I didn't know what time the appointment was but I figured it was in the afternoon so I would have enough time to get far away before I was expected to go. I did not anticipate Edward and Alice camping outside my house to make sure I didn't run.

"Crap," I thought as I heard a knock on the door.

I knew right away who it was. Looking out the window I saw his car and inside it, I saw...Alice.

I wasn't expecting her. I knew I had no chance of getting away from them now.

I went down stairs.

When I opened the door, Edward looked like he was bracing himself for something.

I looked at him confused.

"What? You're not going to run?" He asked.

"There's no need to because I'm not going," I said.

He sighed. Frustrated.

I rolled my eyes at that and moved aside to let him in.

"Your appointment is 9 so you better get to moving so you won't be late."

I folded my arms and set my face into a stubborn frown.

"I'm not going."

I could tell by his face that he was expecting it. That's probably why he brought Alice in as reinforcement.

"Bella, you are going. If you don't want to get dressed I'll just call Alice and she will help you," he threatened.

My eyes narrowed. That was playing dirty. We both knew Alice would.

I climbed the steps to my room and slammed the door, not before hearing him say ,"I'll be waiting here. Don't bother trying for the window." Grabbing clothes, I took a quick shower. When I was dressed, I didn't immediately go downstairs. Instead I sat for a moment on my bed.

I really did not want to go and talk to some stranger. But there was no way of getting out of it.

Taking a deep breath so I wouldn't end up arguing with Edward I walked down and found him leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes were closed and he looked, peaceful. Seeing him there stirred some old feelings for him which I quickly pushed away.

When I reached the bottom step his eyes opened and he looked at me.

Before, I would have felt special, beautiful in his gaze. But now, I just felt, dirty and unworthy.

I wonder what he saw when he looked at me? The same girl he had fallen in love with, or a broken mess who he was wasting his time trying to fix. Probably the latter.

"Do you want to have breakfast before you go?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Are you sure? We still have sometime."

Again I shook my head.

He sighed. He moved to put his hands on my arms, I knew he only meant to do it as comfort, but since the attack, I didn't like when people touched me, so the moment his hands made contact with my arms, I squirmed under his touch and shrugged it off. I saw the pain flash across his face. For a moment, his face looked tortured, but then he smoothed it out but he wasn't able to erase the pain from his eyes.

His hands dropped to his sides and when he spoke, I could hear pain behind his words.

"I know you don't want to do this at all. But you need this more than you realise. You can't keep all of it built up inside. Just give it a chance," he said.

"Again with the deciding what you think is best for me," I mumbled. I knew I sounded really bitchy but I was mad and I instantly regretted my words. He knew what I meant when I said that.

He came beside me, careful not to touch me again out of fear of making me uncomfortable.

"Shall we?" he asked.

Not wanting to dwell on the moment anymore, I walked out, pausing to lock the door behind me. When I turned away from the door I saw Alice was standing on the bottom step. She smiled at me and I gave a small smile back.

"Hey Bella, are you ready to go?" she asked. Her voice was gentle, careful how she approached me.

"No," I answered truthfully.

"It will be alright," she said. Her words were suppose to provide comfort but truly they didn't.

Pausing, I realised something.

"If I have to go, I'm driving myself there at least," I said.

Edward and Alice exchanged looks. They didn't bother fighting it with me. But the compromise was that Alice would ride with me.

Crap, I was really hoping to make a break for it when they won't looking. Sure my old truck couldn't move as fast as his Volvo but I figured I could pull some movie worthy stunt and make my daring escape.

The ride to the office was quiet. Alice tried to engage me in conversation, asking how work was, and other meaningless topics. But I just answered them one word. I knew she wanted to start a conversation, but I was not in the mood. I just wanted to get out of this.

She didn't give up though. Still asking, despite my lack of response.

The office itself was small. Located a block from the hospital.

The waiting area was empty. Not surprising considering how small Forks was. I supposed in normal situations the only time someone from Forks would need to go to a psychologists was if they had a traumatic attack by a bear.

The room was quiet except for the sound of the air condition. There was a red light by the door to the psychologist's room with a sign above to push when you were waiting. Edward pushed it because if it was up to me I would run out of here so fast. Looking around I plotted my options. Hmm the window was closed but I wouldn't have time to open it, get out and run before Alice and Edward caught me.

Maybe I could say I had to go to the bathroom, then again Alice would follow me.

Crap.

Not many options.

I only had a few seconds of planning though, before the doctor walked in.

looked to be in her early fifty's, a plump lady, with short hair and vivid green eyes. I had seen her around Forks sometimes but never thought much of her.

"You must be Isabella. I'm ," she said, holding out a plump hand to me. My mind was running a little slow so I didn't immediately take her hand.

A poke to my back courtesy Alice snapped me back.

I took her hand and shook it briefly.

After introducing herself to Edward and Alice she motioned for me to follow her into the other room.

I just stood there motionless.

"Are you coming?" she asked. She had a gentle voice which I thought more fit a kindergarten teacher.

"No," I answered, still not moving.

"Why?" she asked in a calm voice.

"Because I do not want to talk to you," I said in an equally calm voice.

"Would you prefer to talk here?"

"I would prefer to go home."

"Well, how about you come in and talk to me for a little bit then you can go home," she said.

"How about I ignore that and just go home."

She looked to Edward for help.

"She'll be right in," he said.

She turned around and went in leaving the door open for me.

"Just go in and get it over with," Edward said.

"I don't want to do this," I hissed.

"Bella, the sooner you go in the sooner you could leave," Alice said.

Looking at the two of them, I knew they were not going to budge so gritting my teeth I went into the room making sure to slam the door for good measure.

When I came in, was sitting on a chair opposite a couch. She didn't jump when the door slammed so I assumed she was listening right before I came in.

"Glad to see you decided to come in," she said, motioning for me to take the couch.

I sat opposite her, my mouth set in a frown.

"Well, Isabella, how are you today?" she asked.

Seriously? I'm pretty sure the door slamming told her how I am.

She paused to write something on the notepad resting on lap.

"Do you feel angry? Upset?"

"How do you think I feel? I'm forced to sit here and talk about something I don't want to," I said, my voice agitated.

I looked around the room instead of meeting her eyes. The walls were lined with diplomas and rows of books. Next to me was a table with a pad of paper, a pen and a book.

"Would you like to talk about school?" she asked.

"No I don't want to talk about school."

"How about your friends?"

"No."

She paused for a moment, writing something down again.

"Would you like to talk about what happened?" she asked.

My eyes narrowed, "What do you think?"

Again, more writing.

"Would you like to talk about, how you it made you feel perhaps?" she asked.

Made me feel? Was she serious? How the heck does she think it made me feel?

"It's okay, you know," she said after a moment of no answer from me. "To talk to someone. It's natural for you to feel anger after suffering such a huge loss, but I would like to know how you are handling your trauma."

Okay, she was really starting to push my buttons.

"Do you often cry Isabella? For your parents?" she asked.

I could my anger just boiling.

"Isabella, I am here too help you." She said in her calm voice.

Up till that moment, I was working to keep my anger in check. I was like a thermometer my anger slowly boiling, but when she acted like she knew even for a second what I was going through, the thermometer broke.

Grabbing a book off of the table, I threw it at her head, yelling "You fascist bastard!"

I admit, I'd heard that word once and had no idea what it meant, but I did know how to hit a moving target with an object. attempted to duck but the book still hit the side of her head.

Not even pausing to apologize, I stood up and left the room. My anger blinding me from what I had done.

Walking into the hallway I slammed the door and was greeted by Edward and Alice's' stunned faces.

Clearly they did not expect my violent out burst.

"Are you happy?" I demanded, "I went and talked to her."

Not even pausing to hear their response I left the office.

It was pouring outside but I didn't stop to put my hood over my head so after a few minutes I was soaked.

Shutting the door to my truck, I was not completely surprised when I heard the passenger door opening.

I knew they wouldn't let me be.

Edward came in and shut the door behind him.

He didn't say anything as I started the truck or as I drove back home.

When I pulled up at my house, I shut off the engine and waited.

After a few more seconds he broke the silence, "I'd ask you if you wanted to talk about what just happened but clearly that's not the best thing." He didn't sound angry, just sad.

"Can you just answer me one thing?" he asked. His voice sounded desperate.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Waiting

"Why won't you let anyone help you?" his voice was soft, but he might as well have yelled. It cut like knives.

I didn't know how to answer him.

Instead of answering I climbed out of the truck and just before I shut the door, I heard Edward say, "Alice got you another appointment for Thursday."

I glared at him before slamming the door, then going into the house and slamming that one too.

I did not deal with the visit to the psychologists very well. The only way I knew of to get rid of the constant gnawing pain and memories was to drown it in alcohol. Instead of using the bit of money I had to buy food, I bought cheap beer. When Edward came over the day before my next appointment, I knew that he knew I had been drinking. I could see it in the way he looked at me. His eyes filled with pain, trying to reach out to me.

I didn't even bother trying to run when Thursday came.

What was the point?

I drove myself again, though this time only Edward accompanied me.

When I went into the office where was waiting I was surprised to see her face calm.

At least she didn't look mad seeing as I nailed her in the head last time.

I wasn't angry anymore when I went to see her.

Frankly, I didn't know what I was feeling.

I just felt resolved.

After half an hour of no answer from me, she was still asking.

"Would you like to talk about your family?"

I didn't reply.

"Your friends?"

Still nothing.

"How about...the Cullens?" That was low. She was testing my weakness. The one area other than losing my parents that was raw. If she wasn't careful she was going to open up the wounds.

She paused for a second and I knew what was coming.

"What about Edward?" she asked. Her voice sounded hesitant.

Clearly she was remembering the last incident when I threw the book.

But I still didn't respond to her.

She must have seen something flash across my face, because she didn't drop that topic and look for another like the others. She kept poking.

"Why don't you tell me about Edward?" she asked. "It was his idea for you to come here right?"

She was reaching. Going in waters and talking about things that are better left alone.

"You and Edward use to date before they left right? It must have hurt when they moved away for that time." I could tell she was careful not to talk about what happened during the time they left. "Can you tell me what you felt when they left?" her voice was gentle. Knowing I was a ticking time bomb. She was careful I would explode on her.

But I still didn't reply to her.

"Bella, what is your relationship like with Edward now?" she asked. "Do you blame him for not being there?"

Did I? I would never admit it out loud but her question left me speechless. Even though I said I didn't. Did I truly not blame the Cullens' for not being there? They were there when James was stalking me. They kept Charlie and I safe. But this time, they weren't there. But could I truly blame them for that?

And mostly, what about Edward? What relationship did we have? The friendship one? I'd been pushing my emotions over him into a deep corner of my soul, not wanting to think about it. I knew he wanted to make me the Bella I was before everything. The whole Bella, without the missing pieces. Whole Bella would be alot easier than broken Bella. And at that moment, I couldn't help but wonder, which of us did he love? Whole Bella or Broken Bella?

I missed so much the way things were between us. I knew he was only trying to help. But it was a lost cause. I was too far broken to be put back together. I was like a mirror. Broken with too much pieces. Shards of me were too sharp to put back together.

My heart, once filled with the love we had only seemed to ache. I could no longer feel the love we had. Just the pain that the last few months without him brought. I wanted so badly to have that love back. To remove the ache and feel the way I did before.

I remembered then, that no doubt Edward would be be listening in on this session. I knew he was seeing me through the psychologists' thoughts. He, just like her was waiting for my reply.

I looked up then. Straight into the psychologists' eyes, feeling like I could see Edward staring back at me through her. I kept my face neutral, just looking. My eyes flickered to the clock behind her.

My time was up.

I stood getting ready to leave. But before I did, I wanted to ask Dr. Snieder something.

"Have you ever been raped?" I asked.

My question caught her off guard.

She didn't reply right away. She seemed to weigh her words carefully.

"No," she said finally.

"Have you ever lost your entire family in one week?" I ask.

Again she weighed her answer.

"No," she answered again.

"Then how can you help me, if you've never felt what I have?"

This time, she had no words to weigh. She was just left speechless.

I shut the door quietly on my way out.

* * *

**Breathe No More - Evanescence**

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And even more to come.

**I really thought this was going to be my longest chapter but turns out my last chapter was the longest. **

**I'm happy with how this one came out.**

**Also, thank you to everyone who has favourited, added to their story alert and reviewed. **

**It means more to me than you can imagine.**


	11. Chapter 11: Choices

**When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; **

**instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven **

**for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. **

**- Author Unknown**

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When I came out of the office, Edward was waiting for me. He seemed, a little happier.

"How did it go?" he asked, quietly.

I shrugged. "Fine."

He seemed to be searching for something on my face.

"How about we go out for lunch now?" he asked as we walked out the office.

My eyebrows shot up at that suggestion.

"Why?"

"Because I figured you needed a break."

I thought it over a minute.

"Okay," it shouldn't be too bad right?

A few minutes later I was sliding into a booth opposite Edward at a small restaurant, just outside of Seattle.

I was grateful that the waiter who took our order was a male.

Even though I'd pushed my feelings for Edward aside, the last thing I wanted to see was the waitresses drooling over him.

The restaurant itself wasn't busy.

"How many more sessions am I suppose to have with her?" I asked, after the waiter had left.

He knew who I was referring to.

"It's not a punishment Bella. It's just to help you get better," he paused. "In a way that does not involve alcohol," he gave me a pointed look.

I shrugged, guilty.

"But you have to be careful, because Alice can't see your future anymore," he said. There seemed to be something hidden in the way he said it. Some other piece of information that would explain a few things, but I was too busy focused on the no vision part.

"Wait, Alice can't see my future anymore?" I asked, trying to keep the elation out of my voice but by the look he was giving me it probably wasn't working.

"Yes, she hasn't been able to see for a while, but that does not mean we're not still keeping an eye out," he said.

"Uh-huh," I said, trying and failing to show nonchalance.

But I didn't fool him.

For the rest of the lunch we talked about little things.

Just two friends having a normal time together.

It was nice being with him like this.

Though not enough that I was content.

I still wished for the past.

That night, I returned to my best friend Jack Daniels'.

I thought more about the session today and the questions Dr. Snieder asked.

Mainly, the question about Edward and I.

Did I still love him? Of Course, without a doubt. There was never a moment when I didn't want to go back

to the way we were before but I couldn't.

He said the only reason he left was because he wanted me to have a chance at a human life.

Well, I did. This is all part of being human. The human world was filled with pain and suffering and lost.

Pain, suffering and lost.

The last part kept pounding in my brain, and I felt the grief begin to consume me again.

Like a tidal wave drowning me.

A memory came floating through my head.

The memory of the moment when the police came to my hospital bed and told me Charlie and Renee had been murdered. The far distant look on the officers faces as they did their job.

While I faced the impossibility that my parents were snatched so quickly.

Watching as my world just came tumbling down and having no way to stop it.

And the constant agony of the realisation that their not coming back.

The memories of the planning of Charlies' funeral while Renee's' body was sent to Florida for Phil to bury.

Then returning to the house where they were murdered and expected to pick back up the pieces of my life.

Living with the missing, and expected to put on a brave face during the day when people came over, yet crying on the floor of my room every night alone, begging and pleading for someone, anyone to fix it. And having to live with the guilt, that it was my fault that they were murdered. My fault that they were targeted.

Watching as reporters filled the yard, while grief filled my heart.

Then drinking as a way to numb my emotions, yearning to not feel them anymore.

Thankful for the time when I would pass out.

Even as I sat on the floor now, holding the bottle I could feel the tears brimming my eyes.

I wiped them away quickly.

Tears never fixed anything.

They were nothing more than weakness in your eyes.

The vibration of my phone, snapped me out of my musing.

Looking at the caller I.D I saw it was Adrian. Huh, I hadn't even thought of him since that party weeks ago when Edward scared him.

I was tempted to ignore but decided to answer it. Wasn't like I was doing something more important.

"What?" I said. Not even bothering with a greeting.

"Wow, after all that's we've been through that's how you want to treat me?" he said, voice smug.

I really was not ready for his crap. "What do you want?"

"What? I can't call a friend and see how she is? Seems like you forgot all about me after your bodyguard messed up our plans," he said the last part with a bit of bitterness.

"I'm hanging up."

"No wait!"

Crap. I was really hoping he would just give up.

"I have a job for you," he said.

"A job?"

"Blaze wants you to make another run," he said.

"And why would I do that?"

"Because he's willing to pay big money for you to do it," he said, like it's the most obvious answer.

"And how much is big money?" I asked, trying to keep the hope out of my voice.

"Same as last time, ten grand."

Same as last time. I didn't even have to think it through long. I needed the cash.

"Alright, I'll do it."

An hour later I was driving out of Forks, praying Edward was not anywhere close.

He'd said Alice couldn't see my future but that didn't mean he was keeping tabs on me, right?

When I'd first met Adrian at a party weeks before, I knew he was into no good.

After downing Tequila shots like it was water, he had told me about his boss,

Blaze, and the drugs he smuggled.

He also told me of the money Blaze pays for people to do his bidding.

I was broke with no way of making ends meet.

I knew the risk, I knew what would happen if I got cost, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

So I'd work for Blaze, selling drugs in Seattle to make the cash. But after almost being caught twice, I swore I wouldn't do it again. But getting this money would mean I could pay off my expenses and one thing in particular. After Charlie had died I'd promised him I'd find a way to do this one last thing for him. Right now, this was the only way I knew of.

And now, I was returning to Blazes' underground business.

I pulled up to a club in Seattle's' run down neighbourhood.

The security at the door let me in without hassle.

I didn't even pause, just going straight to the back then ducking behind the curtains, then down the stairs.

I could hear the music still pounding just above and already I could smell the marijuana.

I came up to a long hallway, with doors on either side.

I walked straight to the last one where another bodyguard was standing.

When he saw me he gave me a knowing smirk.

"I knew you'd return," he said in a gruff voice.

My eyes narrowed at him and several smart ass retorts popped into my head

but I bit back my words.

He opened the door and I walked into a dimly lit room.

There was a cloud of smoke, swarming around but I fought the urge to cough.

Then a voice I wished I'd never have to hear again came from within the smoke.

"Ah, Isabella. I've been expecting you."

* * *

**Tears of an Angel - RyanDan**

**Riot - Three Days Grace**

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**I did not plan on making this one such a short chapter but, there are a few things I wanted to say about the story.**

**This is not just about Bella, learning to mend from Edward leaving, or the assault.**

**This is also about her learning to live with the grief of losing the people she loved. And about her learning to still be able to put one foot infront the other.**

**There is also the question of who murdered Charlie and Renee and assaulted Bella to be answered.**

**There is still alot more to come as far as this story goes. **

**There is still a number of demons Bella still has to face.**

**Alot more questions to be answered.**

**Thank You to everyone who added this story on their story alert those who reviewed. **


	12. Chapter 12: Mending

**"No-one ever told me that grief felt so like fear" **  
**– CS Lewis**

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**Bella's P.O.V**

The street was quiet, except for the sound of an occasional car passing.

The clock on my dashboard said it was 2:58 in the morning.

I had two minutes before the person came.

All I had to do was hand over the bags, get the money and leave.

That's it. Sounds simple.

Yeah right. If it wasn't for the cops driving back and forth.

For a second I was filled with pain as I thought of what Charlie would think if he saw me.

He worked to stop things like this, and here his own daughter was breaking the law.

But I didn't have time to think. I had to hurry and get this over with.

Stepping out of my truck, I was careful to shut the door quietly.

Any loud sound would cause me to jump.

I was suppose to do the switch a couple of blocks from Blazes' hideout and I parked an extra block away.

The area I was in was lined with dilapidated buildings, bordered up.

I didn't think I had to worry about anyone stealing my truck.

My biggest issue is that they might try to break it down for spare parts...or that they would break it down thinking they were doing someone a favour.

Walking down the street, I kept my hoodie up, and my eyes down.

The bags in my pocket feeling a thousand time heavier than they really did.

Looking at the building numbers I counted as I walked.

Four houses down there was an alley in between two buildings.

Towards the back was a gate and farther in dumpsters.

My breath caught for a moment.

And the images of that night came back.

Two sets of footprints. Cold hands holding me down.

Red eyes.

"Hey!" someone called from beside me causing me to jump.

I turned to see another woman standing beside me.

From the look on her face I guess she had been trying to get my attention for a while.

The woman looked to be two years older than me.

Where as I was dressed in jeans, hoodie and sneakers.

She was dressed in a mini dress, that wouldn't help if she bent down and heavy makeup on her face.

The makeup did not do well to hide the bruises on her face and arms.

Or the look of terror in her eyes.

"I'm to do the pick up," she said.

I snapped out of my stunned moment and back into business.

"You have the money?" I asked.

She studied me for a moment.

"You're younger than I expected," she said, assessing me from head to toe.

"Did you come here to judge my age or what?" I snapped back.

She raised one drawn on eyebrow at me.

"Whatever." She pulled out from inside the top of her skirt a role of cash.

"Here," she said.

I pulled out the bags and handed them to her, making sure to take the money at the same time.

"She tucked the bags back into her skirt and stood there assessing me again.

"How did you get wrapped up in this kind of company?" she asked.

"That's none of your business," I said.

I should have walked away, but something about her was holding me in place.

Maybe it was because I knew that she had felt something similar to what I had.

It was easier talking to her than it was the psychologist. She had been where I was.

"So what happened? Bad childhood? Father raped you too?" she asked, pulling out a cigarette from her skirt.

What the heck? Did she carry a television in there too?

"My father never hurt me," I snapped at her.

She took a deep whiff of the cigarette, unaffected by my tone. "Then what then? Odds are you're not doing this for fun."

I didn't reply.

She gave me another long look.

"You were raped," she said, daring me to lie.

And as much as I wanted to. As much as I wanted to deny it. I couldn't.

I chose to keep my mouth but my silence spoke

"Yeah, you find that after that, your world just seems to be moving to fast for you. Yeah I've been there. Left to find a way through and finding comfort in all the wrong places with no one to lean on for help. Then before you know it you're working for some pimp just to make ends meet," she rolled her eyes.

Looking at her I wondered. Was this my life now? Was she a glimpse into my future?

Except, I had something she didn't.

People to fall back on. I knew deep down if I was to ask for it,

Edward would help me in a heartbeat.

I didn't want to stay here anymore. I turned and walked away.

Before I made it out onto the street though she called to me again.

"Want some advice?"

I turned.

"I can tell that you're new. Barely even involved. Get out while you can. Before it's too late."

With that she stamped out the cigarette and walked past me, down the street and into the night.

Walking back to my truck, I kept seeing the bruises marking her skin.

Proof that she'd been through her own version of hell.

When I reached back to the club.

I went straight down again, through the door and was greeted by the dimly lit room and cloud of smoke.

I kept my eyes ahead, away from the making out couples on either side of me.

Women, stooping to lower themselves while guys treated them like trash.

Blaze sat in a chair in the furthest part of the room.

Three women standing around him in tight skirts, while more bodyguards stood in the back, towering over everyone.

"So, did you deliver?" Blaze asked.

He was a sick sleaze ball, with blonde hair and gold hanging around his neck.

I pulled out the role of cash and dropped it on the table in front of him.

He picked it up and started counting.

He separated it and dropped some in front of him towards me.

"Eight grand," he said, handing the rest to one of the women behind him who took it to carry it away.

"Eight? We agreed at ten," I said.

"Well, I'm giving you eight."

I should have just kept my mouth shut but I was not taking any crap from anyone.

"But you said ten," I said.

Blaze gave me a dangerous look.

But I didn't back down.

It was stupid, I knew.

He stood up and walked around his desk, taking a seat right on the edge in front of me.

"Why do you care how much you get? Whores don't give a fuck how much money they get so long as they get it."

With that he turned around and picked up the eight grand on the table and slapped it into my hand.

"I am not a whore," I said slowly and without fear.

His eyes narrowed one more time.

Before I could react his fist came flying out of no where and collided with the top of my eye.

Pain flooded my thoughts.

I held my hand to my eye doubled over in pain.I could feel blood running down the side of my face.

"Give it a few months and you will be," Blaze said, then he stood up and walked out the room.

I will never be like them. I thought.

But was it true?

Look at what I'd done so far just to get cash.

Gripping the money in my hand I stood and walked out.

Casting a quick look at the girls still standing behind Blazes' desk.

"I will never be like you," I said quietly.

They gave me a harsh look.

I turned and left.

When I walked out the door, Adrian was about to walk in.

"Wow, what happened to you?" he asked, spotting the blood.

I gave him a dirty look and walked out.

I was relieved when I finally made it back home.

It was barely dawn when I pulled up into the driveway.

The place was quiet, except for the pitter patter of rain falling on the roof.

I could feel right above my eye where Blaze had slapped me throbbing. I knew it was bleeding so I used my jacket to stop the blood. Walking inside, I went to the kitchen to get some ice to help with the swelling.

When I opened the freezer my hand froze in midair.

My freezer, was empty when I left it.

I never bought much groceries so the cupboards and fridge were bare, but now it was full.

The freezer was stocked full of frozen food.

Opening the fridge I saw the same thing. It was packed with food and drinks, the remainder of my Jack Daniels missing.

Suddenly, something on the counter caught my eye. On the counter was packs of snacks and more dry food.

I walked to the cupboard, holding the handle in my hand I closed my eyes and prayed I wouldn't find what I think I might. But my hopes were in vain.

The cupboards were filled with food, over flowing to the point where it was hard to close.

For a moment, I was mad.

I knew where all this stuff came from.

They were treating me like a charity case.

I told him I didn't want his help. I needed to do this on my own, but he ignored me.

I knew it probably wasn't Edward but Esme who bought all this.

Taking a deep breathe I counted to ten slowly in my head. When I reached the last number I sighed.

I knew they were doing this because they wanted to help and it was wrong of my to be angry at them for that.

But I was not keeping all this, and I knew right away where they were going to go.

When Charlie had died, some neighbours had brought over boxes for me to pack away his things. I knew it was their way of helping but I was not ready to pack away all of Charlies' things. I couldn't even go into his room now.

I was not prepared to box it all away.

So I stored the boxes in the basement, till I built up enough strength to actually pack his things away.

Now, I went down and retrieve them.

I packed all the food into the boxes, then going through the house I found every thing that was left by Esme. Blankets, clothes, bathroom supplies, I packed them all into the boxes and carried the boxes out to my truck.

When the last box was in, I covered it with a cover and I drove into town.

Within the hours of Charlie and Renee's' death the sympathy came. Neighbours and friends, stopping by to give their condolence. Saying how sorry they were, and that their in a better place and the rest of that crap.

And for that first week, I took it. I numbed myself up when truly all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and block the world out.

But eventually, it all stopped.

The visits, the well wishes.

After a week, people moved on to the next big gossip. What happened at the Swans' house was old news.

They had all said their goodbyes'. They had said how 'sorry' they were, that Charlie and Renee was murdered. They would return to their lives, back to the way it was before.

And they expected the same from me. To let go and move on.

But that's the thing about grief, you can never simply, let go.

Things will never go back to the way they were before.

No matter how may times you apologized.

But there was one person, or group I should say, that never walked away. Who stayed when everyone else had left. The group actually came from a very unexpected place.

As I pulled up to the shelter, Sister Abigail was just about to go inside.

Sister Abigail was a member of the sisters of . They ran the battered women shelter in Forks.

When Charlie and Renee died, they helped me more than anyone else had. And their kindness never stopped.

I visited the shelter frequently, talking with other women. Some of them confiding in me their stories of abuse and rape. Although, I never told them about what happened to me, I was grateful to know, that I was not alone.

I never expected kindness from nuns' but it goes to show, that kindness can be found in the most unlikely places.

"Bella!" she called as I pulled up.

She was a kind woman in her late fifties. She had been through alot in her life but that has never hardened her.

It only made her more determined to help others.

"Hi," I said, coming out of my truck, only to be pulled into a hug.

Usually, physical touch left me uncomfortable but from her, it was filled with warmth and love.

"It's always so nice to see you," she asked.

Before I could reply though, she spotted something above my eye.

"What happened? What have you gotten yourself into?" she said in a disapproving voice.

It took a moment before I realised she was talking about the cut above my eye.

"Well, come inside and I'll clean that up for you," she said.

"Wait, actually I brought something for everyone." Walking around to the back of the truck I removed the cover showing the boxes.

"Donations," I said.

She held her hand to her heart in surprise.

"Who are these from?" she asked, pulling open one of the boxes.

"From," I thought for a moment, "The Cullens."

"The Cullens? They have never given to us before. This is amazing."

She called out to the other sisters who began unloading the boxes into the shelter.

"Bella, thank you so much for bringing these. Why don't you come in for a meal?" she said.

"Umm, thanks but I don't want to impose."

"You won't be of course. Please, I insist. I could clean up that cut for you to."

I couldn't refuse. She was too kind.

Sister Abigail sat me on a counter in the kitchen, where the other nuns were bustling about, getting things ready to serve dinner. Every few seconds one of the sisters would come up to me and offer a snack of a drink.

I accepted the meal, grateful.

"So Bella, how are you?" she asked, as she dapped my cut with a liquid that stung.

Usually, I hated when people asked me how I felt.

It was why the whole psychologist thing annoyed me.

I felt like the only reason they asked was because they wanted to prove that I couldn't keep it together.

But there was something different about Sister Abigail asking me.

I knew she didn't ask because she wanted to point out my faults, or because she felt she had to.

She asked, because she truly wanted to know.

"I'm managing," I said. "It's hard but, I'm making it through."

She gave me a small smile, as she placed a bandage over my eye.

"That's good. Though I have to admit. I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" I asked.

"Survive. How you manage to still put one foot in front the other,

to go on," she said.

I gave her a small smile. "I don't know how I do either."

She looked at me for a moment. "It's hard. It will always be hard and that pain will always be there. But it's always a matter of living through it," she said, as she wiped up a small mess from the counter.

"But how do I learn to move on? To trust again?" I asked. I could hear the desperation in my voice.

I didn't know where that question came from.

Maybe it was because I was hoping someone, would come along and explain it to me. Explain why all of this happened.

"It won't be easy. It never is. But your heart will heal. You hold onto the past alot," she said. Her voice gentle."Wanting to return to life that you had before. But, that life is not coming back. I know it's scary. The fear that all of this is real," she said. Taking my hands in hers. "The way I see you have three options. You can cease to exist and just let the pain have you."

I was shocked that she was even telling me of that option.

She must have seen the shock on my face.

"Shocking? No, not really. You and I both know how deep grief is, and how viable that option is. The secone option. You can cry and close your mind, be empty. You can continue to breathe, while moving no where. Just barely enduring and turn your back or you can do the third option and do what they'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

I could see it in her eyes. That she spoke from experience.

That was why I trusted her so much. She knew what it was like.

She didn't throw around words, talking about things she didn't understand.

She knew.

She rested her hand on my head, then left me with my thoughts.

I spent the rest of the day at the shelter. Talking to some of the other women there again and helping them

pack away all the donations.

When I left at sunset, I thought more of what Sister Abigail had told me.

My three options.

She was right, the first one did sound so easy. Just give up right? Simple. Easy.

But I knew that, that was not right.

Deep down, I knew which option I should choose.

* * *

**Brave - Tawgs Salter**  
**Someone who Cares - Three Days Grace**  
**Why - Rascal Flatts**  
**When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne**  
**Yesterday - Leona Lewis**

* * *

**She truly is slowly healing.**

**Also, another huge thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and added to their story alert. **

**(I bet some people are thinking 'ummmm...six reviews? That's not alot')**

**but to me it is. Just knowing people took the time to review means more than you can ever know.**

**So Thank You**


	13. Chapter 13: Grief

****

"It is like learning to swim while drowning".

**- Lindy Chamberlain**

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I'd gone for a brief hunting trip when Esme called me.

She had gone to Bella's house a few hours before dawn to drop off the supplies she'd bought for her - supplies

I knew Bella would probably throw a fit over - and had seen the house empty and Bella's truck gone.

It was almost four in the morning and I couldn't imagine where she might be so I cut the trip short and headed back to Forks.

When I'd reached the house, Bella's trail was long gone. Taken by the rain during the night.

Again, I'd searched up and down Forks for her, then returned to her house and was about to go to Seattle when her truck came down the street. I'd left my Volvo home so I was able to hide among the trees.

She was holding her jacket to her forehead and from where I stood, I could smell a hint of blood.

She'd been hurt.

I wanted to go to her but she had already gone inside, and I knew it would be moments before she found Esme's gifts. I knew she would be angry so I chose to let her calm down before I went to her.

I heard her move about in the house, going into the basement, then the sound of cupboards opening, then the fridge, then the upstairs bathroom ad her bedroom.

I watched as she carried a number of boxes out to her truck and cover them with a sheet so they wouldn't get wet in the rain.

Curiosity got the best of me and I followed her as she drove into Forks.

I was surprised to see her go to the battered women shelter.

I'd never been there before and didn't know if she had.

I was even more surprised to see the friendly exchange between her and one of the nuns' who ran it.

I saw from the nuns' memory that Bella was a regular visitor.

I watched as she offered the gifts Esme had given her to the shelter.

And I stood close by when I heard what the nun, Sister Abigail I heard one of the other nuns' call her,

told her.

It was wrong, I knew, eavesdropping on her. But it seemed not a day went by that I didn't learn something new about Bella. I watched as Abigail cleaned the cut on Bella's forehead. Again, I was worried where she'd gotten it.

Hearing her talk about how she felt, I felt the pain again wrack through me as I saw again, just how much she was suffering.

She'd never told the psychologist or I any of that and I could see why.

She trusted Sister Abigail so much.

And as I heard Sister Abigail talk to her I realised she really did speak from experience.

Sister Abigail lost her mother when she was young so she understood the grief Bella was feeling. Also she had suffered physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her father. So she understood what it was like to have to survive when you didn't want to.

When Bella left, I could see that Sisters Abigail's words were weighing heavily on her mind.

The following morning, I pulled up to Bella's house, eager to see her.

To talk about what I saw the night before.

I knocked on the door and she came to answer it.

She seemed excited about something, and her smile was genuine when she looked at me.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked, following her inside and closing the door.

Seeing her happy for once, warmed my heart.

"I'm finally able to pay off something," she said mysteriously.

Now I was really eager to find out.

Following her to the kitchen table I saw she was in the process of counting money.

A small sum of money lay on the table separated in 50s', 100s' and 10s'.

She picked up the one she seemed to have been counting before I arrived,

"Can you change this for a full hundred?" she asked.

I pulled out my wallet quickly and held out the hundred dollar bill.

I'd been wanting to give her money to help her pay off her bills for a long time.

She laughed. She held out the change she had, wanting me to take her money first.

I took it and she took the hundred.

She knew, had she taken my hundred first, I would not have wanted her to pay me back at all and instead insisted that she kept it.

She added the hundred to the rest and she put all the money into an envelope.

"I'm going to the bank now to deposit this, are you coming?" she asked.

I nodded.

We took her truck and she of course insisted on driving.

The lines in the bank weren't long so we reached to the teller fast.

"Hello, how may I help you?" she asked.

"I want to deposit this into an account," Bella said.

I realised she said "an" account instead of "my"account.

I'd assumed she'd wanted to deposit it into her account.

Which account then?

She handed the woman a piece of paper.

The woman pulled up the account on the screen but a name wasn't there.

She took the envelope and counted the money and when she was done, she handed Bella a receipt.

"One more stop to make," Bella said as we left the bank. "Still want to come?"

"Alright," I wanted to ask what this was about but I knew by now, that if she wanted to talk she would and it was best to just be patient.

We were quiet on the drive to her next stop, but a few minutes in she decided to finally explain.

"I bet you're wondering where we're going," she said.

"Of Course," I said, trying to keep the curiosity subdued in my voice.

"When Charlie and Renee died, Renee's body was sent to Florida for Phil to bury, but Charlie's was my responsibility. Funerals are really expensive but through donations I was able to have Charlie's funeral and that's it. When he was buried, there was no money left over for a headstone. I made him a promise that I would find a way to afford one and after a while, I finally do." she said as she pulled up to a funeral home a few minutes outside of Forks.

The funeral home was across the road from Forks cemetery. Bella parked her truck in the cemeteries' parking space and together we walked to the funeral home.

A small bell chimed as we walked in.

An elderly man, with grey hair and a kind face came out.

"Bella!" he said, when he saw her.

I was confused as to how he knew her. But I saw it right away in his mind that he was the one who handled Charlie's funeral arrangements. I also saw that he had given Bella a discount on the cost of making the headstone,

wanting to help her. But he hadn't told her that about the price cut, knowing her well enough to know she wouldn't like special treatment.

He shook Bella's hand and then mine.

"Hi, I'm David, the owner. You're one of Dr. Cullen's' sons right?" he asked.

"Edward," I said.

"So what can I help you with?" he asked, turning back to Bella.

"Finally got it paid off," she said, pulling out the receipt the bank teller had given her.

David took it and read it.

"Okay, then every thing's in order. Do you want to look over the draft?" he asked. Pulling out a folder from under a desk with Charlie's name on it.

For the next few minutes, Bella made a few adjustments to the headstone. I could see that she wanted to get it just right for Charlie.

"The headstone will be ready in a few weeks. I'll call you when we are ready to install it," David said as we were leaving.

As we walked out the funeral home it was raining slightly.

Walking across to the parking lot we were silent, but as we got closer I could hear voices coming from the cemetery.

A burial was taking place, close to where we stood.

A woman was bent over as they lowered a casket into the vault, her cries seem to echo around.

She gripped a single red rose in her hand, not caring that the ground that she kneeled on was muddy.

The only thing on her mind, was the husband that she would never see again.

I turned to look at Bella and saw she too was watching the woman.

She had a knowing look on her face.

Turning back to the woman I wondered if that was what Bella was like on the day of Charlies' funeral.

Did she kneel on the floor weeping for her father? Did anyone try to comfort her?

"It's a horrible thing," Bella said, still looking at the woman. "Grief. It's like a tidal wave just dragging you down. Further and further."

I didn't know how to reply to her.

And as we drove away, the sound of the woman's' cried echoed in my head. But after a moment, they sounded like Bella's'.

"Would you like to come over to my house for the rest of the evening?" I asked. I don't know why I did.

I'd asked her a number of times and she'd always told me no but now for some reason I wanted to ask again.

"Why?" she asked. She didn't sound angry so that was a positive thing, she just sounded curious.

"Because my family misses you. Esme's been wanting to see you for a long time."

She seemed to reconsider for a moment.

I expected her to say no again.

"Alright," she said. I was shocked she agreed.

Pulling up to my house, I could hear everyone's stunned thoughts as they heard the familiar sound of Bella's truck.

They didn't know what to make of it how to react, and I wish I could have told them to just relax.

When we came through the door, Esme and Carlisle were the first to greet us.

Esmes' lips were pressed together and she looked like tears would have been falling down her face if it was possible. She didn't even wait for Bella to say anything, before she darted forward and swept her into a hug.

For Esme it was like having her daughter back. It'd hurt her for so long that Bella was still feeling the effects of our leaving.

Bella seemed to be shocked by Esme's sudden touch, but after she recovered she hugged Esme back.

"Bella, it's so good to see you again," Esme said, still holding her.

"It's good to see you to," Bella said.

When Esme finally pulled away Carlisle came forward, hugging Bella slightly.

"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" Esme asked, "I could make you something."

"No thanks."

I could see Esme wanted to insist but she knew not to push Bella too much.

I was glad Bella didn't mention giving away Esmes' gifts.

The rest of the evening passed.

To others looking in, it seemed like a regular evening, but for me ad the rest of my family,

it was like a sigh of relief.

Bella hung out with Alice alot more, for which Alice was thrilled.

Even when Alice tried again, to get her to go shopping with her, Bella didn't throw a fit like I thought she would.

She just told her no.

Emmett was his usual joking self while Jasper stayed intune with Bella's emotions, letting me know if she had enough.

Rosalie though was the most different. I wondered how she would react to seeing Bella when she knew all too well what Bella went through. I'd considered, that if the psychologist didn't work, maybe I could get Rosalie to talk to her. But I knew, without a doubt, that would have been alot worse than the visit to the psychologist.

When night fell around Forks, Bella had fallen asleep on the couch while we were watching a movie.

When her breathing was even, Alice called me into the kitchen where the rest of my family was waiting.

"How did you manage to get her to come over?" Alice asked.

She was still elated that she finally got to spend sometime with Bella.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"What did you two do today before you came over?" Esme asked.

"Bella payed down the money for Charlie's headstone, so I went with her to funeral home."

"Paid down?" Esme asked her eyes going to Bella still sleeping.

I nodded.

"Has she started letting you in?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, slowly. But I'm worried. I know she's keeping something from me. Something important."

Carlisle's face was thoughtful. "I think I may know what it is."

We all turned to him.

"Have you ever asked Bella where the files are? The police reports that Charlie took?".

"No," I said. "She already told them she doesn't know."

Emmett balked. "And you believed that?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Point taken," I admitted."But why would she hide it?"

"Maybe wanting to forget what happened?" Esme suggested.

"Or. Maybe not wanting anyone to figure out who it was," Alice said quietly.

"But why?" I asked.

"Don't you think it's odd? That Charlie and Renee were murdered so soon after? Maybe Bella's assault wasn't a random attack. Maybe she was targeted. Maybe she knows who attacked her and murdered Charlie and Renee and is afraid of them"

None of us knew how to reply because we all saw the truth in her words.

But if that's true, who ever it is knows where she lives and can return at any moment to finish the job.

My eyes went to her again. Sleeping peacefully, so fragile.

With Alice not seeing her future, she was in even more danger.

I knew that no matter what, I could not let her out of my sight.

I'd failed to protect her before and she'd suffered as a result,

I could not let that happen again.

* * *

**This is where the plot thickens.**

**I've already started working on the next chapter and that is when things...really take a turn. For the better? For the worst?**

**I am really curious to see how people will react to the next chapter and I'm still contemplating how to go about it.**

**Also, to who asked about Bella's recollection of the attack, I know it's a little confusing now but it will be cleared up in the future chapters.**

**It will start to make sence so bare with me for a bit.**

**As always reviews are appreciated. Alot.**

**Till next time.**

**

* * *

****I Still Cry - Ilse de Lange  
Gravity - Sara Bareilles**


	14. Chapter 14: Tears

**"It is possible living with a broken heart...but it's hard." **

**- Author Unknown**

* * *

**Bella's **

I knew the day was coming. For the weeks that followed, I'd been dreading it. But it loomed just on the edges, reminding me with the heartache that it was there.

Ironically it was the night before that David called me to let me know the headstone was finished.

The next day I would go to the cemetery to watch it be installed. The very day where, one year ago, Charlie and Renee were murdered.

When I woke that morning, I was at least granted a few minutes of bliss. The first few minutes where the haze is still there, and I forget just for a moment, what happened. Then as I lay in bed I feel it.

The heaviness. And my thoughts go to Charlie and Renee on the last moments of their life. Was it quick? Did they feel the same fear I did, while staring into those red eyes? Did they feel the same cold hands? Did they beg for their lives too? Did they know that it was my fault that they were suffering?

As I got dressed to go to the cemetery, I saw that they sky was dark and murky. Maybe it was just my mood but to me, there seemed to be a heaviness in the air.

When I arrived at the cemetery it was pouring by then. I didn't bother with an umbrella, wanting to feel the rain against my skin.

I stood and watched as the brought the headstone, around to the front.

David gave me the small wooden cross that had marked Charlie's grave before, as he and two other workers, placed the headstone in place. It was even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. I suppose, I should have been elated. Glad that I'd kept my promise, but I just couldn't find it in me.

When the stone was in place, they stood for a few moments with me, not sure what to say. Then realising I wanted to be alone, they left. The cemetery was quiet except for the sound of the rain.

I kneeled before it, pressing my hand to the cool marble.

It was black with white cursive lettering. With his name, date of birth and date of death.

With the words 'Loving Father' and a picture of his police badge next to it.

I'd also had them put a quote beneath:

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I knew the rain was running down my face, seeping into my clothes.

I knew I should feel cold, but at that moment, I just felt numb.

Unable to feel anything.

My emotions were a tangle of webs.

The anger and sadness just brewing inside me.

I felt like I might explode.

Everything I felt just bottling up.

I stayed there for a few more minutes, as it continued to pour around me.

I didn't hear him approach but knew he was there when the rain stopped hitting my head.

Edward kneeled next to me, holding an umbrella.

He didn't say anything, just stayed there with me.

Wanting to comfort me, but not knowing how.

Part of me was relieved, thankful that he was here with me.

But another part, a part I tried keeping at a distance began boiling

with the unresolved feelings I had for Edward.

I knew I shouldn't blame him for everything because like I'd told him, it wasn't his fault,

but saying something and actually meaning it is two different things.

When I'd had enough, I stood and he did to.

Without saying a word, I turned and left, Edward close by my side.

He'd driven his Volvo here, so when I pulled up into the driveway, I knew he'd been following me, but I thought he would continue to his house but he didn't.

As I was stepping out of my truck, he came to stand in front of me.

Above, the rain was turning into a storm. Thunder and lightning, flashed in the sky, echoing through the trees.

But below all that, there seemed to be something brewing in Edward's eyes.

"I need to ask you something," he said.

"Ask me what?" I asked.

But he just shook his head. "Inside, out of the rain."

He followed me inside.

I needed to dry out my hair so I went up to my room to get a towel.

He hesitated a moment, not wanting to push it.

"You can come," I said shrugging.

I sat on my bed, while Edward sat on the chair.

A horrible sinking feeling consumed me as I remembered the simpler times again.

That horrible sinking feeling brought another round of anger directed at the only other person in the room.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. My voice was snappy but I didn't care.

Edward seemed a little saddened by my response but he didn't comment on it.

"Bella, where are the case files?" he asked jumping right in. His eyes never leaving mine.

"What files?"

"The case files that Charlie took from Seattle Police."

My thoughts froze at that moment.

How could he possibly know about that? Then I realised he had been snooping.

If he had. then he would have asked them for it and they would have told him Charlie had it, and that I told them, I didn't know where they are. But looking at him now, I realised he didn't believe that. He knew, that I knew where they were.

"Why do you want to know where they are?" I demanded.

He nodded his head. "So you do, know where they are." He said quietly.

"I never said that."

"Then where are they?" he asked again.

"I don't know!" I said, my voice rising.

"I don't believe that." He said.

"What do you want with them anyway?" I asked again.

"Because I want to know who hurt you," he said his face calm and composed.

"That's none of your business," I said.

"It is my business," he said. "I know who know where the files are. Why you're hiding them though, I don't know.

Are you trying to protect the people who harmed you?" he demanded.

"Of Course not!"

"Then why then?" he asked. "Why are you hiding them?"

"That," I replied, "Is none of your business."

"It is my business. I have to know who did this to you!"

Some people say, you give your best speeches when you're angry. Me? I'd been holding mine back. I'd never spoken to Edward truthfully, about how I felt about him...about what happened. I'd said I didn't blame him and up till that point I'd believed my own lies.

But the thermometer broke.

"Why do you care about what happened to me?" I yelled, not even thinking much about my words just trying to make sense of the storm growing inside my body.. "You left remember? You're the one that decided you didn't care any more. Why you're sticking around here is beyond me. Is it because they didn't do a good enough job? You wanted to be the one to push me over the edge?" I paused to take a breathe, and looking at his face, I saw pain and shock cross his expression but at that point I didn't care. I didn't care that what I was saying was hurting him. I didn't care that I was crying, the tears falling down my face. I was tired of bottling it all up because I was afraid of hurting the other person. All that had done in the end was increase my load.

"Is that what you want? Me to just be dead? They didn't finish the job so you want to?" I demanded.

He looked at me with pain stricken eyes but when he spoke his voice was furious "How can you even say that? I would never want you dead," his voice cracked at that last word. "Why? Why are you protecting the monsters who did this to you?"

"Maybe it's not them I'm protecting," I said quietly the tears still falling silently down my face.

His eyes widened.

"Me? You're protecting me from them? You have to tell me who they are. You don't have to protect me. I can protect myself."

"So can I," I said.

He began shaking his head.

"Besides, I don't need your help, I don't want your help. Why do you even care?" I said again.

I got up to leave but before I could make it to the door his hand shot out and caught my arm.

"No Bella. We need to talk." His voice was fierce. "How can you say I don't care? How can you even think that?"

"Because it's true." I yelled at him again, turning my hand to try to loosen his grip.

"Bella, I know I messed up. I know I never should have left you. I screwed up and you suffered because of it. I can never tell you how truly, sorry I am. I will forever live with the guilt of it. Of what I caused." I opened my mouth to stop him but he pressed his finger tips to my lips. "I know you're mad at me. And you have every right to be. But Bella, I promise you. I promise, I will never leave you again," We were close now. His hand still holding my arm as he pressed me against my bedroom door, his other hand was curved around my cheek. I was fighting, not with him, but with myself. Wanting to stay angry but unable to. Having him so close to me, as he poured his heart and soul out, how could I not love him? How could I fight that attraction. I still fought it, but I was losing.

"I will do everything I can to earn your trust back."

He was too beautiful. Too kind for me.

"But you shouldn't have to. You deserve better than me. You deserved someone whole, not someone broken so far beyond repair," I said the tears coming down harder because it was true. "You deserved someone pure and beautiful. Someone who he can spend the rest of eternity with. Someone who comes with less baggage."

He let go of my arm, and placed both hands on either side of my face, wiping away the tears as they fell.

"You will always be beautiful to me. I don't need or want anyone else. All of your brokenness, only makes me love you more. My heart will always belong to you"

His lips pressed against mine then, and I didn't fight it. I finally let my feelings for him come to the surface. I let it wash me away. The grief being replaced by that unmistakable love for him. The tears being wiped away as he held me in his arms.

Both of us feeling the desire. Wanting to be closer, wanting to always be together.

We were both lost in the moment, lost in the space of time. We were in a place where our problems fell away, where there were no broken promises, no mistakes, no dead parents. There was no problems. I never wanted this moment to end. But we both wanted more. We wanted to feel connected, to be joined in every way possible.

His hands went to the front of my shirt, while mine went to his. He managed to get the wet fabric off of me before I could get his off of him. Entwining his fingers with mine, we walked, lips still locked together to my bed. I layed on my back, pulling him with me, always wanting to feel him close, while his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him. It was only when the sound of a loud thunder rocked the frame of my bedroom window, that I was snapped out of it and realised what we were doing. And the reality of it all hit me in ways I never expected.

I began to push him away and he immediately obliged. Edward was not the type of person to force me to do anything I don't want to. Especially not this.

But why I was pushing him away was, what was killing me. It wasn't because I didn't want to because I did. It was because my earlier feelings of resentment towards myself came back.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, still holding my hands in his.

"We shouldn't," I said, unable to meet his eyes.

That must have been what gave me away, because his finger went to my chin and he pulled my face up so he could look into my eyes. He knew there was something else but he waited patiently for me to explain.

I thought about lying, but I didn't want to anymore.

Taking a deep breathe I said, "I don't think you should. Not with me at least." Even I could hear the sound of self loathing in my voice.

He cupped my face in his hands then and when he spoke, his voice didn't waver and I knew what he said was true. That he wasn't saying it just to make me feel better, he said it because it was the honest truth.

"Bella, when vampires love, it's not like human love. It's not 'for a few moments' puppy love. We don't fall out of love. When we find our mates. Our soul mates, we know. There is no mistaking that feeling. That is why when, I fell in love with you, I knew. I'd been alone for so long, that when you finally entered my life, I knew there was no return, and I never looked back a day since then. You are the only person I will ever want to be with. The only person who I can ever love like this. There will never be a moment where I stop loving you. My love for you is eternal, immortal. It will never change, never waver, never dim," he pulled me in his arms again. My head was tucked beneath his chin. "If you don't want to, we don't have to. I will not force you into anything. But always remember, I will never want or need anyone, as much as I want and need you."

That sealed it for me. I pulled my head from under his chin and kissed him. This time we didn't stop.

The first time I'd had sex, it was filled with horror and pain. Even though I was there in body, it felt more like I was looking down on a scene. It felt like a horrible nightmare and the entire time and I was merely the audience and I prayed it was just that. That I would wake up and find that it was all just a really bad dream. But this time, as I was locked in the arms of the one I loved, I prayed it wasn't a dream. That this was all real and Edward was really there with me. That I wouldn't wake up and find that it never happened. That he didn't say those words that confirmed his love for me. This time, I wanted it to be real.

The storm raging outside should have been the indicator to me that I was not out of the woods yet. I should have taken that as a sign that there was still much more to come because lets face it. You can't fix everything with sex. There comes a time when you have to rejoin the world, outside of your moment. And you find that while you were lost in your world, life still went on and people continued to plot against you in the real world.

But I couldn't have known that then and I'm glad. I would rather remain oblivious to what was ahead. And I knew that he would ask about the case files again, and I would have to be honest with him. I would have to tell him the whole truth. But I wouldn't think of any of that now. My problems could wait for a few more hours.

* * *

**Open up your eyes - Daughtry**

**God Only knows - Orianthi**

**

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**

Wow, wow, wow. I knew this chapter was going to be...something to write but I didn't realise it would take so long. I wanted it to be, not perfect because I knew there is no such thing as  
perfect, but I wanted to really convey what Bella was feeling. I wanted this chapter to have a little more depth into her mind. Not sure if I accomplished that. Also, Open Up Your Eyes, really really inspired this chapter and a brief part of the last chapter. It's an amazing song and I would recommend.

To those wondering, I didn't get into to too much detail towards to the end because I see no point in writting out s detailed sex scene. It isn't a porno so I kept it basic. And I wasn't sure how people would react to the ending up of this chapter. If they would think Bella should't have or that Edward forced her (which he did not, I made that very clear)...Also I can't write a sex scene. I would double over in laughter and make it not quite right.

Thank You to everyone who has reviewed, added to story alert and favourited.

So don't forget to review and tell me what you think. They give me the edge I need and I need one to begin to unravel the secrets of what really happened a year ago.


	15. Chapter 15: One forward, Two back

_**"Fall seven times, get up eight." **_

_**- Japanese Proverb**_

**Edward's POV**

For the first time in what felt like a decade, I held Bella in my arms as she slept. I marveled then as I had a thousand times before at her. She may see herself as "broken beyond repair" but I would never see her as that. To me, she remained the most beautiful, most important person in my life.

As she slept, I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her hands and her lips. Wanting to feel her, wanting to always know that she was there. That this was reality and she was real.

As the storm subsided and the suns rays began to shine through the clouds I knew I had to leave her. Just for a a bit, to return home and change and hunt. I would stay nearby of course. But it was hard, I was afraid of being away from her, even for a brief moment of time. But it was inevitable. So only when I must, I quickly redressed. I wrote a letter for her explaining my departure and my promise to be back soon. I pressed my lips to her forehead briefly, then I ducked out the window.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

I could feel it was late, when I finally began to stir. At first, I couldn't remember what happened the night before or why I felt so different. Did I drink too much? I didn't remember doing that.

Then I remembered. The images and events of the previous day came floating back and I sat up with shock. The spot next to me was empty and I began to panic slightly, till I saw a note from Edward.

_Bella, I just returned home to change and a quick hunt _

_but in case you wake while I'm gone, _

_I promise you will be back._

_I love you,_

_Edward._

I began to breathe a sigh of relief. I stayed in bed for a few more minutes, remembering what had brought about the events of last night. He had asked me about the case files. Wanting to help me in anyway he can.

I got off bed and after I took a shower, I went to Charlie's room.

I got down on my knees and reached beneath his bed till my hands touched a flat envelope. It was slightly dusty because I hadn't looked at in a long time. It was a manila folder with my name on the top and the Seattle Police Stamp on the front. I hadn't known Charlie had taken it from the police. It was only when they came asking me, that I went looking for it. I thought about turning it over but I so badly wanted to bury what had happened to me that I kept it, and hid it among his things hoping I'd never have to look at it again. But now, I no longer wanted to hide. I couldn't keep this secret for any longer. It was eating away at me. I would tell Edward everything about what happened. About, Charlie and Renee's' murders, and how it all connected back to me. Taking up the folder I walked back to my room, but as I opened the door and stepped in, a familiar voice chilled the air.

"Bella," he said.

I knew it was not Edward. The first time I'd heard it was in Seattle, as he and his sick friend held me down. That voice had haunted my nightmares every night since then. I froze.

There at my window, were the monsters right out of my nightmares.

Of course they looked exactly like they did that last time. Pale skin, blood red eyes.

I'd known they were vampires the moment I saw them.

If their features hadn't given them away, the speed they captured me with and the strength they held me down with would have given them away.

At that moment though I was frozen in disbelief. The two of them stood next to my open window. Austin and Rowan I knew were their names. They had introduced themselves quite nicely that night in Seattle despite already knowing what they were about to do.

Austin started to walk forward, a smirk on his face. He had always struck me as the leader of the two of them. With his blonde hair and smug expression, he'd always been giving instructions to Rowan, who followed them like a helpless puppy. When he was right in front of me, he took a strand of my hair and twirled it in his fingers. A chill ran down my spine.

"Aww you don't look too happy to see us cupcake," he bend forward till his face was inches from mine. His eyes were black, with a small tint of red, but he was one of those vampires who had control. Rowan, didn't have as much but he seemed to have this fear of Austin that kept him from draining my blood that night.

"Hmm, it seems we're not the only vampire to walk through these doors. Have you been making friends?" he asked, sniffing the air. Edward. Please don't come back now. If he came alone and Austin and Rowan found him. He would died trying to protect me. Please, please. Not now. "Wow, it's been so long since I've been here," he said, dropping my hair and walking out into the hall.

"I'd ask you to give me a tour but it seems I know more about this house than you do," he said. Then he paused by the bathroom door.

"For instant, this is where your charming mother was when we found her. She screamed and it alerted your father." he pointed to Charlie's room.

"That was where he ran out from."

Rowan laughed. He hadn't moved from where he was and like the ass hole he was, he went along with all of Austin's games.

"And here," he said pointing the wall opposite the staircase,"Is where I threw your father when he attempted to grab your mother and run. Crazy humans."

"When I'd had both their attentions, I'd carefully explained to them that I planned on killing their daughter."

He sighed. "They begged me not to."

"Hey Austin, tell her how we killed them," Rowan called.

Austin shot him a dirty look. "I am getting to that."

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know how my parents were murdered.

But I was too afraid to say anything.

"Your father was the first to die. The fool tried to fight me, but I snapped his neck easy."

My throat seemed to close on itself. Hearing how Charlie had died was not easy. I wanted to block my ears against the pain.

"Your mother screamed of course and started to cry. She tried to run to but,"

I couldn't hear anymore. I ran towards the bathroom, the closest door to me. It was stupid, I knew, but I didn't want to hear how my parents suffered and died. I hadn't even gotten far before Austin grabbed me and slammed me onto the ground, pinning my hands beside my face. I knew his hands would leave bruises on my wrists.

"No, I think you should hear this," he said, his faces inches from mine. "When your father was dead, we told your mother that we were going to find you and kill you slowly. And can you believe she begged? Begged us not to hurt you. Not to harm you. That she would do what ever we wanted, just not to hurt you. Foolish woman. Don't worry. We killed her promising the entire time we would indeed kill you. But thinking it over, killing you would be no fun. Sure we kill you now, but then what? It's like a one shot. So I think, we're going to have just a little bit more fun torturing you." Austin looked up and motioned for Rowan. Rowan went down the stairs and, returned pouring a tank of gas up the staircase. Were they going to burn me alive? Oh God, please no.

"I hope your vampire friend is ready for some fun." Rowan said as he poured it up and down the hall.

Then Rowan came forward and doused me in the gasoline. I tried to scream but it just fell into my mouth.

When the tank was empty, Austin stood up, leaving me on the ground.

"Please don't," I begged. If they lit me on fire I knew I wouldn't survive.

"So far you've been lucky enough to evade death Bella. Let's see if your luck will get you out of this one too."

Rowan pulled a lighter from, his pocket, and he threw it just ontop of the staircase. As soon as the lighter touched the gasoline, the fire came alive.

"Good luck," Austin said before he and Rowan disappeared into Charlie's room.

I had to get out of here before the fire reached me.

I ran back into my room and closed the door. Just before I shut it, I saw the fire raging down the hall, like an angry animal charging, ready to consume everything in it's path. The smell of smoke already coming through the bottom of the door. I had to get out now. The house would burn down with me in it.

Running to my window I looked down. It was a long drop. Not enough to kill me, but enough to hurt me. But at that moment, it was the only choice I had. I got up onto the ledge and sat, dangling my legs over. Taking a deep breathe, I jumped. The ground rushed up to meet me and I ended up twisting my ankle on the fall. I bit my lip against the pain and limped to the trees. The smoke was already rising high above, into the sky. The house was already consumed. I knew that even if the fire department were to come now, it wouldn't matter. The house was too far gone.

All I could do was watch, as the house that held so many memories, good and bad, be destroyed. Austin and Rowan may be gone for now, but their destruction raged on.

* * *

**In the End - Linkin Park**

**Lying From You - Linkin Park**

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**I am so incredible proud of myself for having reached so far along in this story despite not getting very much reviews. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to each person that did review but I know alot of people don't continue their story when they don't get alot of reviews...but I'm already up to chapter 15!**

**Did you see what I mean when I said Bella's attackers will be explained? And when I said there is still much to go in this story? The plot has thickened.**

**Thank you for reviewing.**


	16. Chapter 16: Breaking then Breathing

"**Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given."**  
**- Carlise Cullen (New Moon)**

Edward's POV  
(A/N Begins a bit before where Bella's POV left off)

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I'd been away from Bella for only a half hour, but it felt like alot longer.  
I was going to go straight to her house after I'd hunted and changed, but Alice called me before I did, saying she had something important to show me.  
"Can't it wait?" I asked impatiently. I had to see my love soon or I might explode.  
"No, you're going to want to see this," she'd insisted.  
So I headed home, wanting to get whatever it is she had to show me over with.  
When I came through the door, I saw through her thoughts immediately what she wanted to show me.  
Before, her visions of Bella were murky and grey.  
Other than the suicide one, she was never able to get a clear picture of Bella's future.  
But now I saw, it was becoming alot clearer.  
It looked like bad reception on a television, where you could make out the people but not so much the situation.  
"It's been getting clearer and clearer since last night," she said, turning to me. Her face was lit up with excitement.  
This was progress. "I wonder what changed," she mused, eyeing me suspiciously.  
Before I could send back a snarky remark, Carlisle came running down the stairs his face panicked.  
"Edward, I just got a call that Bella's house is on fire," he said.  
I didn't even pause, I darted out the door and and ran full speed back to Bella's house.  
I was only briefly aware of Carlisle, Jasper and Alice running behind me.  
Why was fate doing this to her? To me?  
Is there only a limit of happiness she is allowed?  
Please, please let her be alright.  
I could smell smoke in the air, long before the house came into view.  
When we cut through the last clearing, I saw the fire had long since consumed the house and it was beyond saving.  
Was she still in there? I was about to rush in to see, not caring if it killed me in the process because if Bella died, I would be grateful to the fire for taking me out.  
Before I could go in, Alice grabbed my arm and pointed to a figure standing in the trees.  
Bella stood a bit behind the house so she was blocked from the neighbours who stood watching in horror.  
We ran to her.  
"Bella are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked, checking her all over for any sign of injury.  
There were bruises now forming on her wrist but they looked like finger prints marks.  
"Bella," I said softly.  
She turned to me and it seemed to take a while for her eyes to focus on me and for her to recognize me.  
When she did, I thought she might cry, but instead she looked back to me with a sad expression.  
"We have to go now," I said, taking her hand gently and pulling her away from the sight of the burning house.  
She resisted at first but then I was able to get her to come back with me.  
Carlisle treated her for some minor burns and a sprained ankle.  
Even while her treated her, he kept looking at her anxiously.  
Her face was blank so he wasn't sure if he was causing her pain.  
I held her hand the entire time but I'm not sure she noticed. She seemed so far, her thoughts elsewhere.  
Alice called me then. I didn't want to leave her, but what Alice had to say sounded urgent.  
"What is it?" I asked. I stood just around the corner so I would still be able to keep an eye on Bella.  
She hadn't reacted to me moving and that scared me more than if she had burst into tears.  
"I found this," Alice said, handing me a piece of paper.  
It was burned at the edges but not enough that I could not read it.

_WE WILL SEE YOU AGAIN. SOON._

"Where did you find it?" I asked.  
"It was on the ground near to her house," she replied.  
Taking the paper, I went back to Bella.  
When she was bandaged up, Carlisle left us alone. She didn't say anything at first, she just continued to stare into nothing.  
"Bella what happened? Please, the truth. I need to know," I tried to keep the pain out of my voice but it was hard.  
It seemed no matter how hard I try, she keeps getting hurt.  
She didn't respond right away, but the paper caught her eye and she held her hand out for it.  
When she took it, she didn't seem surprised.  
"Bella, please." I said again.  
She looked at me for a moment, searching for something and when she spoke, she sounded lifeless.  
She told me then about how her attackers in Seattle were vampires.  
Austin and Rowan, they were called.  
She told me of how they murdered Charlie and Renee, and how they stalked her after.  
How they came to her today, and what they said.  
When she was done, I couldn't believe it.  
The rest of my family stood in the living room, in horror.  
How could this keep happening to her?  
"Bella, I'm so sorry," was all I could muster up.  
I didn't know what else to say. What could I possible say, what could I do, to make this right again.  
"It doesn't matter," she said. "What's done is done."  
She stood to walk up the stairs. I went to follow her but she put her hands up.  
"Please, can I have a moment," she pleaded.  
I wasn't sure I could bare to have her out of my sight, even for a moment, but I could see from her face she really wanted to be alone now.  
"Okay," I said after a moment.  
I would listen out, for even the slightest sound.  
Fate had speared us for now, but I didn't know how long it would last.

* * *

"Bella," I called, knocking.  
There was no answer. The only sound from inside the bathroom was music.  
I knocked again.  
No answer.  
Now I became panicked.  
I turned the door knob and found it wasn't locked.  
Bella was laying with her head on her arms, which was also laying on the bathtub's side.  
From there, she was looking through the open window, where light poured in on her.  
She looked so Angelic.  
She was breathing. I could see her body rise and fall with each breath.

Music was from playing on my Ipod Dock.  
The song playing wasn't familiar to me.  
It spoke of someone, wanting to take away the brokenness of another.  
"I want to hold you high, and steal your pain" the singer rang out.

It spoke exactly of how I felt really. What wouldn't I give to be able to hold her high, and steal all of her pain.  
"Bella. Are you alright?" I asked coming into the bathroom and shutting the door.  
She lifted her head off of the bathtub, her chin was resting on the edge of the tub.  
She was drenched so I couldn't tell if she had been crying.

She sighed and nodded.

She looked broken. Laying there. Seeing her, caused pain to every fiber of my being.  
I sat on the floor next to her.  
We were silent for a few minutes as the song playing concluded.

"Is that how you feel? Broken?" I couldn't help the pain that seeped into my voice.  
She looked at me as she answered.  
"I am not broken...I am merely defeated."

I didn't know how to respond to this.

"Have you ever reached to a point where, you just want to give up?" she asked. Not meeting my eyes.  
"Where you just, let the grief and pain take you? Where you stop believing that anything good will come out of it?"

I didn't even hesitate when I answered.  
"Bella, you can't give up. You have to keep fighting this."

"But I don't want to anymore. I know I won't win."

With that she moved from her place at the side of the bathtub to sit in the middle, facing away from the light.  
She closed her eyes and sat there. Her head bowed low. Though she didn't cry. She just let the grief take her.

**Bella's P.O.V **  
If I had been listening, I would have heard Edward get up. But I was too wrapped up in the severe pain that I didn't hear when he stood. Or the sound of his pants hitting the ground.  
I was only aware of him when I felt the water ripple at his entrance into the tub. I didn't open my eyes though. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me to him. I laid my head back on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. Holding me tight to him as he laid back on the wall.  
He held me tight in his embrace, stroking my cheek for several minutes.

After a few silent moments, he spoke.  
"Bella, when I was turned into a vampire. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't speak out against it. I was propelled into a life, I had no choice of, nor that I wanted. A life, if you had asked me then, I would have said no to. But like many others and my siblings after me I had to decide what to do with what I given." he paused for a moment. "That time I spent, rebelling I guess you can say. When I didn't want to live with Carlisle's rules. I left. I chose a bad path, I was given a life and I chose a wrong way to deal with it."

I pulled away from him and turned till I was facing him. I knew what he was talking about. I knew what the moral behind this story was, but I didn't want to hear it.

"But, I don't want to fight anymore. I'm fighting a battle, that I know I will lose. I'm fighting a battle alone" I said holding back the tears that threatened to fall. He reached out and grabbed my hand tight in his.  
He shook his head.  
"Bella you will not fight this alone. I will fight this with you." He said, eyes tight, voice pained.  
I began shaking my head.  
He held my face in between his hands and leaned till his forehead was touching mine.  
"Bella, I will," his voice was agonized. "You can't give up. You can't let them win. You can't give up."

My body was shaking with the tears that began to fall.  
"I promise you Bella, we will make it through this. You told me, it's like trying to swim, while drowning. I'm going to help you swim."  
I let him pull me into his chest then. Tears rolling down my face. Part of me, didn't want to continue fighting. This part was large, it kept screaming at me, that it was pointless. That I wasn't going to win. But a small part, said that I can do it. I can fight this. I can make it through. I held that small part, as he sat infront of me. I had to trust him. I had to.

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**Songs used to write this chapter**  
**- Broken by Seether**  
**-Broken Wings by Flyleaf**  
**- Broken by Scott Stapp**

**Also the playlist that Bella is listening to. Broken by Seether is what she was listening to when Edward came in.**


End file.
